In a state of confusion

Hello, everyone(If there are any of you are actually reading anything of what I have been typing in this post). Topic for today is... confusion, pain and endless misunderstandings. Lesson number one... Never hope too much on something. You will end up with a big slap of disappointment on your face. Lesson number two... Don't take things too seriously, or else you'll end up getting hurt and trust me, the pain would be extremely excruciating. Lesson number three.. Avoid one and two to prevent three from happening. You get me? But unfortunately, I've gotten through to number three, so, I'm at the stage where I feel like running away..


I wander the times where I used to be so young and naive and also the time when I never really knew how the true reality is really like. Why can't everyone just be honest and kind and caring and all the other good things people can possibly think of which are nice. But then...... I think the world would be tooooooo insanely dull if the world was full of descent people everywhere. So, I guess maybe life is fair as it is. Whenever there is sadness, there will always be happiness. Sometimes, when you see me daydreaming, do not think that I am dreaming of nonsense. When I daydream, I think about things that are worth and MEANT to be given a thought of. For example,when you see a troop of ants... the first thing in our minds is to kill them, right? But what if we were those ants and those ants are us. Would they kill us? But I've never really imagined myself with an antenna though.


It has been a busy time nowadays for me to even update about anything. My life now? Heavy and big is all I can say. And it is making it very difficult for me to do the things that I normally do and also making it difficult for me to fit into the clothes that I used to love wearing. I can't even fit into jeans. How sad is that?


Due to the things that I have to face everyday is turning me into a better person, but, it has also gotten me into the wrong position. These... "things" that I have is messing around with me. It's like as if I do not know how to... control myself. I just don't know what to do. I don't mind much about having these "things". But it is just that.... I have to face it everyday which is making it worse. That is how I got into number one and number two which has gotten me into number three(Refer to paragraph one to understand thoroughly). The pain.. is just unbearable. And noone knows the pain I have to go through every single day. The things I have to think of, the wrong decisions I have made... I don't want to take any step backwards. Enough running away. I want to stay, but, in a different system. I want to be independent. I want to experiment things, I want to focus and not let other things get in the way. I want to be...... *fill in the blanks*.


If there was a frying pan, there would always be butter! (IM me if you don't understand this).


Is there a biological, painless way for me to cut myself into two? Or perhaps, three might be better. I want to be what they say capable of doing many things at the same time and make everyone pleased and happy, but sadly, that ain't happenin' yet thats fo' sho'. 


I seriously need a vacation. Can't wait for May. I wanna go to Kay Elle baby! 


You know what's the saddest part of my life? I don't get to meet my friends very often. Actually, never! :( I miss them all very much. It's just sad... so sad actually. Hmm :(


If my life was like a lemon, I want you to squeeze me out. ( That was just a random thought in my head).


Word of the day,
I miss you... and I'm not afraid to deny it..


Oh well, I'm off to work.Have a nice day peeps. :)