Hello, fellow earthlings. I know I haven't updated my blog in a while. Well, I'm about to, but I'm thinking about what to post. My life is still same old same old.
So, I don't really know what I should update. Right now I'm soo bored stiff and I'm kinda waiting for someone in particular to go online. But I think she's away or something cause she hasn't been replying my texts.
So basically, I'm in the midst of boredom. *sighs. About my life right about now, makes not much of a difference as it used to be. I wish there was something new going on. I went over to Menda's on a Monday afternoon. It was so last minute. As I arrived there, I was surprised to see Mimi. My god, I haven't seen her in a while. Ruby was there too. Sadly Nunu, Fee and Liey weren't around. Soo boring. :( We're like this female version of Power Rangers! hahaha
So anyway, I missed them soo much. We've been missing in action for soo long. Thats why we're planning to do a girls night outing this coming Saturday. Woohoo! Can't wait. I'm actually excited about it. Just me, Menda, Fee, Nuu, Liey and Mimi. I'm not sure if Ruby's coming though. You know lah. Orang sudah beboyfriend. Lupa tia kawan. hahahah!
Right now I'm listening to Halo by Beyonce. It's this really touching song which i love very much. Beyond verymuch. If only there was a better definition to what I'm saying. It's just a touching-ly beautiful song. Listening to it every morning lift my spirits up and I am now able to start my day without shedding a tear over my ex.
Cause I believe I'll find a better happiness with someone else someday. We'll never know. Good things will happen for those who wait. :)
I am waiting. Sincerely waiting for someone who can replace my sorrows with a heart full of happiness.
Oh well, I think I'm done typing all these down. I have other things to do. Will update more soon. :) Adios, amigos and chicas! xo's
Wednesday 25 February 2009
Monday 16 February 2009
A new me
I finally decided to cut my hair. :) I didn't want to at first, but... I don't know. I was holding a pair of scissors in my hand and during that particular time, I was bored. So I said to my self, "Why not?" So there ya go. Oh! And ignore my neck please. It's not a lovebite. It's one of those skin allergies caused by ny pin tudong. :( What a spoiler right? Tssk. Oh well, that's all for now. Will update more soon Goodnight! :)Sunday 15 February 2009
A life full of meanings which are meaningless
There's something about today that makes everything feel so right and yet... so wrong. I do not understand this. What's missing? What's too much? :S
Have you ever encountered the feeling where you're facing a major difficulty that you don't know how to handle and you have noone to turn to but yourself?
I'm not sure that's what I'm feeling but somehow that's partially the resemblance of how I feel. If only I could exterminate this feeling away. Sometimes, I feel so alone and forlorn eventhough I'm already in a commited relationship. But I just have to get rid of that feeling away. I have to deny every single feeling in order to prevent myself from getting hurt and being the one to hurt others who doesn't deserve to be hurt.
I need time to adjust. But time isn't always there for me either. I've been so caught up with other things and left with no time to spare. All I have left is the past to learn from which is good enough for me to go through day by day. It's karma. I deserve this. If only there was a better punishment than this.
My mind often feels... unsettled. During times where I should be concentrating, I'll end up having my mind in another field of unpredictable wonders whereby I really should pull myself together because it's kind of a bother to others as well as it is to me.
It's late. My wrist is hurting from the badminton racket accident, my chest is in pain, my whole body is aching and my ankle accident. If I can make through all this physical pain which hurts me so much, why can't I easily make through emotional pain? There you go. Another set of wonders.
Everything just leaves me wondering without giving me any hints to think of. I'm so full of shit. What am I to do? Nothing but wait for the next one to arrive. I haven't been able to think well enough lately. It's so disturbing.
I've involved myself in a lot of unnecessary predicaments. Why can't I just stay away from trouble? Even I don't know why I keep on questioning myself. It can be such a bother at times. Some part of my day today filled my sunshine with gloom. :/
Why oh why can't I keep these problems to myself and still can go through a day being cheerful, happy and all. Why does it all make me feel so down? I came across random people and asked for their opinions. I asked them what they thought of me from the very first sight. And they said, " First impression, you look really stressed out. That's why I don't find you that friendly and approachable." "You need to lighten up and smile a little bit. Don't be so gloomy all the time." "How come you often look tired? It's like as if you've been restless."
I only reacted with a sigh after listening to their response. What is wrong with me? I'm unbelievable. Too unbelievable.
My life didn't used to be this way. And it's hurting me so badly because I'm an idiot who can't seem to figure out and understand herself. Lack of self-understanding leads to lack in other people's understanding as well, from what I've observed. When people asked me what's wrong, all I answered was "Nothing." But behind their backs, I said to myself "Everything." and kept it in mind.
You know, I start to realize. When it comes to doing good things, I become a pessimist. And when it comes to doing bad and inappropriate things, I become an optimist. Why is it the other way round? Why can't it be the way it should be? So that I am able to emphasize and think of the good parts of a situationrather than the bad part. I guess it's caused from my disbelief that good things will happen in the future.
I'm lack of everything. Including my vitality towards everything and everyone's trust which leaves me as the worthless piece of shit that noone wants to approach.
Each day, all I can do is ignore all that and go through everything without even having the intention to argue with it. It's a feeling I have to let go eventhough it kills me to let it stay.
I don't believe in miracles. Why bother? All's left is me and this fake smile of mine pretending that everything's alright when it really isn't.
Oh well, it's nearly 5 am. I'm off to bed. Will update more soon. Bye.
Have you ever encountered the feeling where you're facing a major difficulty that you don't know how to handle and you have noone to turn to but yourself?
I'm not sure that's what I'm feeling but somehow that's partially the resemblance of how I feel. If only I could exterminate this feeling away. Sometimes, I feel so alone and forlorn eventhough I'm already in a commited relationship. But I just have to get rid of that feeling away. I have to deny every single feeling in order to prevent myself from getting hurt and being the one to hurt others who doesn't deserve to be hurt.
I need time to adjust. But time isn't always there for me either. I've been so caught up with other things and left with no time to spare. All I have left is the past to learn from which is good enough for me to go through day by day. It's karma. I deserve this. If only there was a better punishment than this.
My mind often feels... unsettled. During times where I should be concentrating, I'll end up having my mind in another field of unpredictable wonders whereby I really should pull myself together because it's kind of a bother to others as well as it is to me.
It's late. My wrist is hurting from the badminton racket accident, my chest is in pain, my whole body is aching and my ankle accident. If I can make through all this physical pain which hurts me so much, why can't I easily make through emotional pain? There you go. Another set of wonders.
Everything just leaves me wondering without giving me any hints to think of. I'm so full of shit. What am I to do? Nothing but wait for the next one to arrive. I haven't been able to think well enough lately. It's so disturbing.
I've involved myself in a lot of unnecessary predicaments. Why can't I just stay away from trouble? Even I don't know why I keep on questioning myself. It can be such a bother at times. Some part of my day today filled my sunshine with gloom. :/
Why oh why can't I keep these problems to myself and still can go through a day being cheerful, happy and all. Why does it all make me feel so down? I came across random people and asked for their opinions. I asked them what they thought of me from the very first sight. And they said, " First impression, you look really stressed out. That's why I don't find you that friendly and approachable." "You need to lighten up and smile a little bit. Don't be so gloomy all the time." "How come you often look tired? It's like as if you've been restless."
I only reacted with a sigh after listening to their response. What is wrong with me? I'm unbelievable. Too unbelievable.
My life didn't used to be this way. And it's hurting me so badly because I'm an idiot who can't seem to figure out and understand herself. Lack of self-understanding leads to lack in other people's understanding as well, from what I've observed. When people asked me what's wrong, all I answered was "Nothing." But behind their backs, I said to myself "Everything." and kept it in mind.
You know, I start to realize. When it comes to doing good things, I become a pessimist. And when it comes to doing bad and inappropriate things, I become an optimist. Why is it the other way round? Why can't it be the way it should be? So that I am able to emphasize and think of the good parts of a situationrather than the bad part. I guess it's caused from my disbelief that good things will happen in the future.
I'm lack of everything. Including my vitality towards everything and everyone's trust which leaves me as the worthless piece of shit that noone wants to approach.
Each day, all I can do is ignore all that and go through everything without even having the intention to argue with it. It's a feeling I have to let go eventhough it kills me to let it stay.
I don't believe in miracles. Why bother? All's left is me and this fake smile of mine pretending that everything's alright when it really isn't.
Oh well, it's nearly 5 am. I'm off to bed. Will update more soon. Bye.
Saturday 14 February 2009
Wednesday 11 February 2009
No more lonely Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day is coming soon. Have you found your match? I know I have. ;) Aheheheheee. Mmm.. What is it about today that makes me feel weird? I just couldn't remember. My eyes are swollen, and my mind is in another zone. Maybe to another mystical dimension, but it's killing me when I get other things in mind when I'm in the middle of doing something much more important. :( Gaaah! I blame myself for letting that happen. You know, I've started to realize that once I let new people enter my life, I change bit by bit due to the adjustments I have to make for their presence in my life. And with that, more people, more adjustments and more and more changes.
Have I not be kind enough to let these people in? But seriously, why do they want in? There's these type of people called "Friends for Benefits". I know what it means. But why? It sucks having people like those around. It's like I'm letting them around to ruin my life, spoil me, and distract me because they know distractions is one of my weaknesses. It bothers me. Why can't everyone just be nice to each other? I have heaps of reason after reason why I haven't been myself lately. But I can't seem to understand how and why I've changed into a horrible person. It's been really stressful and excruciatingly painful. Enough being a bother and mind yourself than minding others. I'm a mistake. A mistake that people will learn from. Once you're with me, you start to observe my mistakes and lastly, hate me, leave me and prevent yourself from making the mistakes I have made. I've been there many times. I have a group of bestfriends that I seldom meet because I love them too much to ruin their lives. I've ruined many already. But this time, let me protect them as I love them so much. I've done too many wrongs and I don't want to put it out on them cause they've always been there for me eventhough during random times. They're just so unpredictable. :')
Menda, Nu, Fee, Liey and Ruby. You're the best!
Syafie'e and Nu
Nu, Ruby, Fee and Liey
RUBY! Imiss you! :/
Nu and Menda 
Liey and Fee.
Have I not be kind enough to let these people in? But seriously, why do they want in? There's these type of people called "Friends for Benefits". I know what it means. But why? It sucks having people like those around. It's like I'm letting them around to ruin my life, spoil me, and distract me because they know distractions is one of my weaknesses. It bothers me. Why can't everyone just be nice to each other? I have heaps of reason after reason why I haven't been myself lately. But I can't seem to understand how and why I've changed into a horrible person. It's been really stressful and excruciatingly painful. Enough being a bother and mind yourself than minding others. I'm a mistake. A mistake that people will learn from. Once you're with me, you start to observe my mistakes and lastly, hate me, leave me and prevent yourself from making the mistakes I have made. I've been there many times. I have a group of bestfriends that I seldom meet because I love them too much to ruin their lives. I've ruined many already. But this time, let me protect them as I love them so much. I've done too many wrongs and I don't want to put it out on them cause they've always been there for me eventhough during random times. They're just so unpredictable. :')
Menda, Nu, Fee, Liey and Ruby. You're the best!
Syafie'e and Nu
Nu, Ruby, Fee and Liey
RUBY! Imiss you! :/
Nu and Menda 
Liey and Fee.Saturday 7 February 2009
Friday 6 February 2009
Lesson Learnt
I've not much to type down actually. I'm tired and extremely exhausted. I had one hell of a tiring day. So yeah, I went out with my friends last night around 9 and came home at 6:30 am. I didn't sleep satraightaway because I had netball and basketball training and a councellor/monitor meeting. Went home around 10:30 am. Rest for a few hours. Then around 2 pm, I went to the gym to work out with the help of my personal trainer. Went back home around 5 pm. Took a short nap for abot 45 minutes. After that, I showered and had myself ready for tuition at 7 pm sharp till 9:30 pm. Can you tell how tiring is that?
But it's alright actually. No matter how worn off I feel, at least I don't have to think. Like, you now at times when you're busy, all the other things in mind that's been bothering you, would go away? That's exactly what I'm doing. I don't want to think of other things. It's time for me to think ahead nowadays and stop being lazy!
Everything may be tiring for now, but one day, I know it'll all be worth it. :)
I'm a flower that needs soil, water and sunlight. Soil is where I stand. And it is also one of the things that helps me grow. Water and sunlight helps me to grow as well, but, there are also other functions to it. Water and sulight helps me balance myself. If there's no sunlight, there'll be too much water and I'll die. If there's no water, I'll dehydrate and die as well because of the heat of the sunlight. And if there's neither water nor sunlight, then I have no place to stand.
All I'm trying to say is, I need to find myself. To find out the things I'm worth doing. There are so many things to do out there, why not give it all a try? I'm currently interested in Artchitecture, Psychology and Engineering.
To fulfill my dreams, I have to earn it. Like I said before. Education is not something you can buy. It's something for you to learn and understand. That's why at times I get a little pissed off when peole can easily apply for studying overseas just because they can afford it. Especially to some rich people. Thats why it isn't fair to those people who couldn't afford sending their children to study overseas. I'm not trying to insult the rich people. But it's really unfair. Hardworking students work so hard to earn scholarships and those "lazy students who didn't put any effort to studying" with rich parents can just easily get themselves to study overseas. Seriously, I'm not trying to insult the rich people. I'm just saying that, you gotta appreciate what's out there for you. Don't just take things for granted. We can't turn back into time ya know. So we just have to take whatever chances we can get while we're still learning. Don't give up. If you fail, there's no harm trying again to work hard and never repeat the same mistakes again. It's like a part of living. We learn from our mistakes. :)
I'm off to bed now. I'm so sleepy and tired. I will update soon. Goodnight. :)
But it's alright actually. No matter how worn off I feel, at least I don't have to think. Like, you now at times when you're busy, all the other things in mind that's been bothering you, would go away? That's exactly what I'm doing. I don't want to think of other things. It's time for me to think ahead nowadays and stop being lazy!
Everything may be tiring for now, but one day, I know it'll all be worth it. :)
I'm a flower that needs soil, water and sunlight. Soil is where I stand. And it is also one of the things that helps me grow. Water and sunlight helps me to grow as well, but, there are also other functions to it. Water and sulight helps me balance myself. If there's no sunlight, there'll be too much water and I'll die. If there's no water, I'll dehydrate and die as well because of the heat of the sunlight. And if there's neither water nor sunlight, then I have no place to stand.
All I'm trying to say is, I need to find myself. To find out the things I'm worth doing. There are so many things to do out there, why not give it all a try? I'm currently interested in Artchitecture, Psychology and Engineering.
To fulfill my dreams, I have to earn it. Like I said before. Education is not something you can buy. It's something for you to learn and understand. That's why at times I get a little pissed off when peole can easily apply for studying overseas just because they can afford it. Especially to some rich people. Thats why it isn't fair to those people who couldn't afford sending their children to study overseas. I'm not trying to insult the rich people. But it's really unfair. Hardworking students work so hard to earn scholarships and those "lazy students who didn't put any effort to studying" with rich parents can just easily get themselves to study overseas. Seriously, I'm not trying to insult the rich people. I'm just saying that, you gotta appreciate what's out there for you. Don't just take things for granted. We can't turn back into time ya know. So we just have to take whatever chances we can get while we're still learning. Don't give up. If you fail, there's no harm trying again to work hard and never repeat the same mistakes again. It's like a part of living. We learn from our mistakes. :)
I'm off to bed now. I'm so sleepy and tired. I will update soon. Goodnight. :)
Tuesday 3 February 2009
blablablablablaaaaa~
:)
This is me with new coloured hair.
And this is me and Adek looking tanned right after basketball training. :)Bida waaah usul me! :P Hahahahha. Adek took this shot. Yehh! I don't like taking pictures!
Thats all for now. Adios, amigos! xoxo
jhzvciyciujieo
Aaaaaah! Homagad, I'm so tired! I've been so busy lately. Can't even organise my schedule for rest. It's like, I have so much going on and it's really tiring! Seriously. But it's a good thing though, cause I can finally get some sleep after a long tiring day. Why? Because I barely sleep. So yeah. Not only that, it's also another way for me to not go out often anymore. I'm gonna miss my friends though. I hope they're all fine. I haven't seen them in a week or so? I don't know. But yeah. At least I've involved myself into something much better other than wasting my time going out. :)
This is a new start for me. I've finally opened my eyes and see whatever that has been going on around me that I've missed. I'm currently in the Maths society and the Athletics society. It feels amazing. This is really something new to me. Sadly, it took me too long to realize. I used to think that studying and doing sports are for losers, but then, it is really fun. Like, you have to balance between fun and responsibilities. And it feels good to have that around.
I'm around good people and.... eventhough it will take time for me to trust anyone, I know someday I will start trusting again. Cause I know I'm around descent people.
I went for a friendly basketball match against JIS this afternoon. It was... pretty okay. I didn't get into action much, but we all had fun. And, noone was badly injured. We got hit, pushed, tripped etc, but we had our fun and laughs.
I'm loving the new me. Like, I'm open for so many things nowadays. Like, usually, I'd be so sombong and think that its not for me and whatsoever. But hey, come to think of it, it's all not that bad. :)
I'm just having this amazing feeling and I want it to always be this way.
I'd put all my effort to not try to mess things up again. I'd swear to that. I like it like this and, I'm not gonna spoil it again this time. I've messed up too many times and I will not let that happen again.
Oh well, that's all for today. I'm kinda tired and I'm also kinda blaming Adek for always wanting me to be there for training and in the end, I'm the one who's getting more tanned. I've recently dyed my hair again though. But I'm too lazy to show it to ya. Next time lah. Shockingly, I look old with this new hair colour. :/ Yieeeeeh. I'll dye it in a darker colour soon. Bah, till next time. Bye, fellas. :) xoxo
This is a new start for me. I've finally opened my eyes and see whatever that has been going on around me that I've missed. I'm currently in the Maths society and the Athletics society. It feels amazing. This is really something new to me. Sadly, it took me too long to realize. I used to think that studying and doing sports are for losers, but then, it is really fun. Like, you have to balance between fun and responsibilities. And it feels good to have that around.
I'm around good people and.... eventhough it will take time for me to trust anyone, I know someday I will start trusting again. Cause I know I'm around descent people.
I went for a friendly basketball match against JIS this afternoon. It was... pretty okay. I didn't get into action much, but we all had fun. And, noone was badly injured. We got hit, pushed, tripped etc, but we had our fun and laughs.
I'm loving the new me. Like, I'm open for so many things nowadays. Like, usually, I'd be so sombong and think that its not for me and whatsoever. But hey, come to think of it, it's all not that bad. :)
I'm just having this amazing feeling and I want it to always be this way.
I'd put all my effort to not try to mess things up again. I'd swear to that. I like it like this and, I'm not gonna spoil it again this time. I've messed up too many times and I will not let that happen again.
Oh well, that's all for today. I'm kinda tired and I'm also kinda blaming Adek for always wanting me to be there for training and in the end, I'm the one who's getting more tanned. I've recently dyed my hair again though. But I'm too lazy to show it to ya. Next time lah. Shockingly, I look old with this new hair colour. :/ Yieeeeeh. I'll dye it in a darker colour soon. Bah, till next time. Bye, fellas. :) xoxo
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