Whats up, fellas?

Hello, fellow earthlings. I know I haven't updated my blog in a while. Well, I'm about to, but I'm thinking about what to post. My life is still same old same old.
So, I don't really know what I should update. Right now I'm soo bored stiff and I'm kinda waiting for someone in particular to go online. But I think she's away or something cause she hasn't been replying my texts.
So basically, I'm in the midst of boredom. *sighs. About my life right about now, makes not much of a difference as it used to be. I wish there was something new going on. I went over to Menda's on a Monday afternoon. It was so last minute. As I arrived there, I was surprised to see Mimi. My god, I haven't seen her in a while. Ruby was there too. Sadly Nunu, Fee and Liey weren't around. Soo boring. :( We're like this female version of Power Rangers! hahaha
So anyway, I missed them soo much. We've been missing in action for soo long. Thats why we're planning to do a girls night outing this coming Saturday. Woohoo! Can't wait. I'm actually excited about it. Just me, Menda, Fee, Nuu, Liey and Mimi. I'm not sure if Ruby's coming though. You know lah. Orang sudah beboyfriend. Lupa tia kawan. hahahah!
Right now I'm listening to Halo by Beyonce. It's this really touching song which i love very much. Beyond verymuch. If only there was a better definition to what I'm saying. It's just a touching-ly beautiful song. Listening to it every morning lift my spirits up and I am now able to start my day without shedding a tear over my ex.
Cause I believe I'll find a better happiness with someone else someday. We'll never know. Good things will happen for those who wait. :)
I am waiting. Sincerely waiting for someone who can replace my sorrows with a heart full of happiness.
Oh well, I think I'm done typing all these down. I have other things to do. Will update more soon. :) Adios, amigos and chicas! xo's

A new me

I finally decided to cut my hair. :) I didn't want to at first, but... I don't know. I was holding a pair of scissors in my hand and during that particular time, I was bored. So I said to my self, "Why not?" So there ya go. Oh! And ignore my neck please. It's not a lovebite. It's one of those skin allergies caused by ny pin tudong. :( What a spoiler right? Tssk. Oh well, that's all for now. Will update more soon Goodnight! :)

A life full of meanings which are meaningless

There's something about today that makes everything feel so right and yet... so wrong. I do not understand this. What's missing? What's too much? :S
Have you ever encountered the feeling where you're facing a major difficulty that you don't know how to handle and you have noone to turn to but yourself?
I'm not sure that's what I'm feeling but somehow that's partially the resemblance of how I feel. If only I could exterminate this feeling away. Sometimes, I feel so alone and forlorn eventhough I'm already in a commited relationship. But I just have to get rid of that feeling away. I have to deny every single feeling in order to prevent myself from getting hurt and being the one to hurt others who doesn't deserve to be hurt.
I need time to adjust. But time isn't always there for me either. I've been so caught up with other things and left with no time to spare. All I have left is the past to learn from which is good enough for me to go through day by day. It's karma. I deserve this. If only there was a better punishment than this.
My mind often feels... unsettled. During times where I should be concentrating, I'll end up having my mind in another field of unpredictable wonders whereby I really should pull myself together because it's kind of a bother to others as well as it is to me.
It's late. My wrist is hurting from the badminton racket accident, my chest is in pain, my whole body is aching and my ankle accident. If I can make through all this physical pain which hurts me so much, why can't I easily make through emotional pain? There you go. Another set of wonders.
Everything just leaves me wondering without giving me any hints to think of. I'm so full of shit. What am I to do? Nothing but wait for the next one to arrive. I haven't been able to think well enough lately. It's so disturbing.
I've involved myself in a lot of unnecessary predicaments. Why can't I just stay away from trouble? Even I don't know why I keep on questioning myself. It can be such a bother at times. Some part of my day today filled my sunshine with gloom. :/
Why oh why can't I keep these problems to myself and still can go through a day being cheerful, happy and all. Why does it all make me feel so down? I came across random people and asked for their opinions. I asked them what they thought of me from the very first sight. And they said, " First impression, you look really stressed out. That's why I don't find you that friendly and approachable." "You need to lighten up and smile a little bit. Don't be so gloomy all the time." "How come you often look tired? It's like as if you've been restless."
I only reacted with a sigh after listening to their response. What is wrong with me? I'm unbelievable. Too unbelievable.
My life didn't used to be this way. And it's hurting me so badly because I'm an idiot who can't seem to figure out and understand herself. Lack of self-understanding leads to lack in other people's understanding as well, from what I've observed. When people asked me what's wrong, all I answered was "Nothing." But behind their backs, I said to myself "Everything." and kept it in mind.
You know, I start to realize. When it comes to doing good things, I become a pessimist. And when it comes to doing bad and inappropriate things, I become an optimist. Why is it the other way round? Why can't it be the way it should be? So that I am able to emphasize and think of the good parts of a situationrather than the bad part. I guess it's caused from my disbelief that good things will happen in the future.
I'm lack of everything. Including my vitality towards everything and everyone's trust which leaves me as the worthless piece of shit that noone wants to approach.
Each day, all I can do is ignore all that and go through everything without even having the intention to argue with it. It's a feeling I have to let go eventhough it kills me to let it stay.
I don't believe in miracles. Why bother? All's left is me and this fake smile of mine pretending that everything's alright when it really isn't.
Oh well, it's nearly 5 am. I'm off to bed. Will update more soon. Bye.

.........

I've been so busy lately, so, I won't be blogging as much as I used to. :) Cheers. :)

No more lonely Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is coming soon. Have you found your match? I know I have. ;) Aheheheheee. Mmm.. What is it about today that makes me feel weird? I just couldn't remember. My eyes are swollen, and my mind is in another zone. Maybe to another mystical dimension, but it's killing me when I get other things in mind when I'm in the middle of doing something much more important. :( Gaaah! I blame myself for letting that happen. You know, I've started to realize that once I let new people enter my life, I change bit by bit due to the adjustments I have to make for their presence in my life. And with that, more people, more adjustments and more and more changes.
Have I not be kind enough to let these people in? But seriously, why do they want in? There's these type of people called "Friends for Benefits". I know what it means. But why? It sucks having people like those around. It's like I'm letting them around to ruin my life, spoil me, and distract me because they know distractions is one of my weaknesses. It bothers me. Why can't everyone just be nice to each other? I have heaps of reason after reason why I haven't been myself lately. But I can't seem to understand how and why I've changed into a horrible person. It's been really stressful and excruciatingly painful. Enough being a bother and mind yourself than minding others. I'm a mistake. A mistake that people will learn from. Once you're with me, you start to observe my mistakes and lastly, hate me, leave me and prevent yourself from making the mistakes I have made. I've been there many times. I have a group of bestfriends that I seldom meet because I love them too much to ruin their lives. I've ruined many already. But this time, let me protect them as I love them so much. I've done too many wrongs and I don't want to put it out on them cause they've always been there for me eventhough during random times. They're just so unpredictable. :')





Menda, Nu, Fee, Liey and Ruby. You're the best!

Syafie'e and Nu

Nu, Ruby, Fee and LieyRUBY! Imiss you! :/

Nu and Menda

Liey and Fee.

Racheal Bilson

She's my idol. :)

Paradise

I miss this. If only....... :/

Lesson Learnt

I've not much to type down actually. I'm tired and extremely exhausted. I had one hell of a tiring day. So yeah, I went out with my friends last night around 9 and came home at 6:30 am. I didn't sleep satraightaway because I had netball and basketball training and a councellor/monitor meeting. Went home around 10:30 am. Rest for a few hours. Then around 2 pm, I went to the gym to work out with the help of my personal trainer. Went back home around 5 pm. Took a short nap for abot 45 minutes. After that, I showered and had myself ready for tuition at 7 pm sharp till 9:30 pm. Can you tell how tiring is that?
But it's alright actually. No matter how worn off I feel, at least I don't have to think. Like, you now at times when you're busy, all the other things in mind that's been bothering you, would go away? That's exactly what I'm doing. I don't want to think of other things. It's time for me to think ahead nowadays and stop being lazy!
Everything may be tiring for now, but one day, I know it'll all be worth it. :)
I'm a flower that needs soil, water and sunlight. Soil is where I stand. And it is also one of the things that helps me grow. Water and sunlight helps me to grow as well, but, there are also other functions to it. Water and sulight helps me balance myself. If there's no sunlight, there'll be too much water and I'll die. If there's no water, I'll dehydrate and die as well because of the heat of the sunlight. And if there's neither water nor sunlight, then I have no place to stand.
All I'm trying to say is, I need to find myself. To find out the things I'm worth doing. There are so many things to do out there, why not give it all a try? I'm currently interested in Artchitecture, Psychology and Engineering.
To fulfill my dreams, I have to earn it. Like I said before. Education is not something you can buy. It's something for you to learn and understand. That's why at times I get a little pissed off when peole can easily apply for studying overseas just because they can afford it. Especially to some rich people. Thats why it isn't fair to those people who couldn't afford sending their children to study overseas. I'm not trying to insult the rich people. But it's really unfair. Hardworking students work so hard to earn scholarships and those "lazy students who didn't put any effort to studying" with rich parents can just easily get themselves to study overseas. Seriously, I'm not trying to insult the rich people. I'm just saying that, you gotta appreciate what's out there for you. Don't just take things for granted. We can't turn back into time ya know. So we just have to take whatever chances we can get while we're still learning. Don't give up. If you fail, there's no harm trying again to work hard and never repeat the same mistakes again. It's like a part of living. We learn from our mistakes. :)
I'm off to bed now. I'm so sleepy and tired. I will update soon. Goodnight. :)

blablablablablaaaaa~

:)

This is me with new coloured hair.

And this is me and Adek looking tanned right after basketball training. :)

Bida waaah usul me! :P Hahahahha. Adek took this shot. Yehh! I don't like taking pictures!

Thats all for now. Adios, amigos! xoxo

jhzvciyciujieo

Aaaaaah! Homagad, I'm so tired! I've been so busy lately. Can't even organise my schedule for rest. It's like, I have so much going on and it's really tiring! Seriously. But it's a good thing though, cause I can finally get some sleep after a long tiring day. Why? Because I barely sleep. So yeah. Not only that, it's also another way for me to not go out often anymore. I'm gonna miss my friends though. I hope they're all fine. I haven't seen them in a week or so? I don't know. But yeah. At least I've involved myself into something much better other than wasting my time going out. :)
This is a new start for me. I've finally opened my eyes and see whatever that has been going on around me that I've missed. I'm currently in the Maths society and the Athletics society. It feels amazing. This is really something new to me. Sadly, it took me too long to realize. I used to think that studying and doing sports are for losers, but then, it is really fun. Like, you have to balance between fun and responsibilities. And it feels good to have that around.
I'm around good people and.... eventhough it will take time for me to trust anyone, I know someday I will start trusting again. Cause I know I'm around descent people.
I went for a friendly basketball match against JIS this afternoon. It was... pretty okay. I didn't get into action much, but we all had fun. And, noone was badly injured. We got hit, pushed, tripped etc, but we had our fun and laughs.
I'm loving the new me. Like, I'm open for so many things nowadays. Like, usually, I'd be so sombong and think that its not for me and whatsoever. But hey, come to think of it, it's all not that bad. :)
I'm just having this amazing feeling and I want it to always be this way.
I'd put all my effort to not try to mess things up again. I'd swear to that. I like it like this and, I'm not gonna spoil it again this time. I've messed up too many times and I will not let that happen again.
Oh well, that's all for today. I'm kinda tired and I'm also kinda blaming Adek for always wanting me to be there for training and in the end, I'm the one who's getting more tanned. I've recently dyed my hair again though. But I'm too lazy to show it to ya. Next time lah. Shockingly, I look old with this new hair colour. :/ Yieeeeeh. I'll dye it in a darker colour soon. Bah, till next time. Bye, fellas. :) xoxo

Fridayzzzzz

:)

This morning, I came late for the netball tryouts. *sighs. I woke up late, that's why. How am I supposed to not wake up late? I came home at 5:30 am and I didn't sleep straightaway. I watched a dvd and slept around 6:15 am. And netball starts at 8! Ainako!, so from there, I knew I had to get some rest before the tryouts. I didn't sleep so well, I don't know why. I was tired but I couldn't fall asleep. Yieeeeh. :(

Instead of coming for the tryouts on time, I came an hour late. Haha. Oh well, at least I came anyway. You know what the netball team needs?! More players! And more talented players who are dedicated to the game!

Nyehh. I was so tired right after the tryouts. Like, I was completely and extremely exhausted, I couldn't even breathe properly. So, I went straight back home, ate a little cause I haven't eaten for 3 days. Took a shower and went straight to my big comfy bed. Mmmm.. I'm so blank now. Will update more soon. Till next time. See ya~~

iksegfgvgwufsugfru

I don't know why, but, recently, I've been so into sports nowadays. It brought up the best in me. Seriously. It's a side I've never seen in me. Amazingly, it's so fun, I can't take enough of it. I've been doing a lot of street basketball with Daisy and her little brother and also badminton. Not only that, I've been so into netball and tennis as well. I've never felt so physically active. Somehow, I feel.... healthy. And free. Like, I have the capability to do whatsoever again.
I'm me again 3 years ago. Been avoiding alcohol and still trynna quit smoking. I've never felt so alive. It's so.. I don't know how to say it, but it makes me feel good. Like, oh god, it truly is undescribable. Nothing seems to bother my mind, my thoughts and whatsoever cause I know I have the capability to do whatever. (Y)
It feels amazing. I'm back in the normal life again. If you think its not, then, it's not your way of living normal. I have my type of normal, and you have yours. Got that? And if you don't like it, who am I to make you like it? So yeah. Anyway, since I've involved myself in a life I never thought I'd live in, I've just been so rational. Like, I go with the flow. You earn some, you lose some. Get me? That's just my way of living right now. I'm not that desperate. So, go figure.
I'm also still struggling in making progress with my studies. Hopefully, I'll do well in my O levels. Going out a lot doesn't make me an idiot. I still have concerns for my education. There's no harm in trying. So yeah. :)
Dividing my time over something I love doing and also over something I have to do isn't an issue to me. I'm as cool as icezzzz.
I think I'm done for now. I'll update some more soon. Laterzz. xoxo

Thursday Night Outing

I'm currently at Gadong with a few of my friends. Didn't plan to go out actually. It was kinda last minute. I know right. Hmm.. I'm out, it's late and I'm supposed to be asleep by now because I have an early morning netball tryout. Being at home is boring! So, going out cools me off. Here are some pictures.

So yeah, I gotta bounce now. Will update some more soon. :) xoxo

I know that I love you

I'm currently listening to Broken-hearted Girl by Beyonce. Oh my god, its just... I don't know. The lyrics are very meaningful. I couldn't stop listening to it. Its my blog's background music for now. It totally expressed what I'm feeling right now. :')

Here are the lyrics:

Beyonce - Broken-hearted Girl

You’re everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could’ve been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that?

You’re the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I’d love to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you’re the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you

It pains me to say
I know I’ll be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part

I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl…No...No
No broken-hearted girl
I’m no broken-hearted girl

Something that I feel I need to say
But up to now I’ve always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I want to put this out
You say you’ve got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me
And still you’re in my heart
But you’re the only one and yes
There are times when I hate you
But I don’t complain
Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away
Oh but now I don’t hate you
I’m happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No…No
No broken-hearted girl

Now I’m at a place I thought I’d never be…Oooo
I’m living in a world that’s all about you and me…yeah
Ain't gotta be afraid my broken heart is free
To spread my wings and fly away
Away with you yeah yeah yeah, ohh ohh ohh

I don’t wanna be without my baby
I don’t wanna a broken heart
Don’t want to take a breath with out my baby
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way..No..No
I don’t want a broken heart
I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl..No..No..
No broken-hearted girl
Broken-hearted girl
No…no…
No broken-hearted girl
No broken-hearted girl

I hope you're happy when I'm not.

I just felt like uploading this picture. Nyehs.

I miss you so much

I don't know why, but I miss you. And I'm not supposed to. :'/ Stop me! Please.

p/s. Yeah I know the photo is bida. So what?! Peace.

Stop callin' me Amberzzzzz!

I'm currently at home, on my bed, typing down some things here. Mm.. I'm kind of blank actually. And I'm kind of tired after the basketball training. So yeah, since I'm so tired and at the same time jobless, I'll just type down whatever happened to me at school this morning.
This morning, I woke up around 4:30 am. Surprisingly, I never wake up that early before. Oh well, at least that's something new to me. Yay me. Then I arrived at school around 7:10 am. Suddenly, I saw everyone here and there like everywhere. Its supposed to be normal, actually. But it just seems different. Like as if something just happened and everyone is gathering around places talking about it. I ignored all that and went straight to class. As I stepped in, I couldn't help but notice that one of the sliding windows were missing. Then a classmate of mine approached me and told me that there was a strong wind last night. And I like, "What? There was?" And she was like, "Yeah." I was so blurr, I had no clue what she was talking about. Then it all came over me. I just remembered that I slept early right after I took a shower last evening. I participated for this basketball tournament yesterday. So yeah. I didn't get to play for the entire game because I wasn't in a good condition. So anyway, back to the story. Teacher Rajesh entered the class moments after that. Our first period was POA. Oh god! I'mk getting tired of POA. It always makes me sleepy eventhough I had a good sleep last night. Sheesh. He can never keep me awake when he teaches, you know that. If only he'd increase his sense of humour level. He's just too boring to teach. Then, the next period we had was Bahasa Melayu. But then, Teacher Rokiah didn't show up. Must've been because of the flood? I don't know. So yeah. There was no teacher for two whole periods. We were like fooling around all over the class like a bunch of hooligans. Once the Bahasa Melayu period was over, we had our elective classes. We were all seperated during elective classes. Depends on what subjects the students are taking. Since me and my friends chose Art, we were all stuck together. After a period of Art, we had our break. But I just stayed in the classroom with my girls. Didn't feel like going out much. I just went out for a short walk. Until I saw Adek. Hahah. I just love to tease her so much! So yeah. Right after break, we continued our Art lessons. Not only that, we just had our art work displayed on the school's bulletin board! Yayy! How cool is that? Right after Art, there was also another elective class. Since it's the second elective, I call it Elective 2 class. It was time for my Additional Maths Class. Sadly, me and my girls had to be separated due to the different subjects they are taking. So yeah. I'm always alone during AMaths class. How sad is that? :( Minutes after I entered the class, Teacher Koh insisted I sit infront next to Umi since there's an empty seat next to her. So, I did. Even when I finally get to sit infront, I still have no clue what Teacher Koh was teaching. Its not that he's bad at teaching. He's actually very good in teaching. I was the only one lacking of understanding. Tssk. I know. I'm such a lousy student. Then Umi asked me whether I'm coming for basketball training this afternoon. At first, I wasn't sure if I could make it because it was so last minute. So in the end, I made it anyway. I came aroound 1:30 pm. Chill around Mamih and smoked some cigarettes at the stairs. Went back to school around 2 pm. Sat all by myself at the bench. Chillzz with Adek since she was the one who arrived first. Had fun with the girls. And also the boys too. Adek is so big, I can't even steal the ball from her when she dribbles. Its like having a dwarf trying to reach for food from an enormous giant but couldn't reach it. Hahah! (Adek, if you're reading this, I'm sorry! Hahahahah! You know I love you. ;P) Oh well, overall I had a fun and tiring day. Seriously. If only you knew. Hahah. Nowadays, The three Umi Zairis' keeps calling me Amber. Its really irritatingly annoying. -_-" Oh well, I just went with the flow. I'm tiredzzz like crazyy right now. I think I might go to bed early tonight. I'll update soonz. Right now, Naomi needs some shut eye. Until next time, readerzzzzz. ;)

Monday; A boring day

I had the most boring day evaaaaah! Like, urghhh! But then, come to think of it, I kinda did had a few laughs with my girls. Billay blew me away with her new makeover. She looks fierce like GRRRR, baby! Hahahhah. I wore the jaket Homie bought for me to school todayyy~~. It feels awesome having it on. So warm and cosyyy. I love it.
During the afternoon, I was bored, I didn't know what to do, do I studied myself to sleep. Woke up around 6. Had dinner early, continued studying again,and then hours after that I received a text message from a friend of mine saying that she's been trynna call me but she couldn't reach me. Hahah. Yes, Umi K. I'm talking about you. Oh well, I don't blame ya for being bored. When I first answered her phonecall, she was like "Hmm hmm hmmm hmmm... Hello? Hi! What are you doing? ~~" Hahahah. So, from that, I can tell that she was really bored. I even spoke to Adek for a while. She was like " Omg, I can't believe you're on the phone with my sister." So, in the end, me and Adek talked about this basketball tournament thing tomorrow. So yeah. But what cracks me up is the way Umi K said " Omg! Karang kamah my kain~~~" Hahahha. Shit, I should've recorded it when she said that. Hahah. It was so... bimbo-like. Hahah. Thats the best way I could think of describing it.
It feels great having friends like Umi. Like, she can turn my frown upside down. Although she is a weeee bit..... bimbo-like. Hahahha! No offense! ;)
Told ya you're awesome!
Aaah. Right now, I'm studying. But I don't know. Something's still bothering me. Oh well, I'm trying not to let that overwhelm me. So, I'm off to play pet society. Will update soonzzz. ;)

Today

Hi, I'm Naomi. 2009 version of Nani. Just to keep ya informed.
I'm bored. Umi K's asleep. I'm bored. Zats is probably still watching some videos. I'm bored. Kiki's upset. I'm bored. I hope Fatin's at home already. I'm bored. I miss Homie. I'm bored. Homie bought me a red coloured sweater. I'm bored. Faiz is so annoying. I'm bored. Rizal is so hilariously hyper. I'm bored. Azmi, stop bothering me. I'm bored. You're sexy. I'm bored. Mama keeps pressuring me. I'm bored. I miss Dad. (May he rest in peace) I'm bored. I miss you. I'm bored. I'm happy for you. I'm bored. And I'll always love you. The End.

Racheal Starr - Crash

Crash - Rachael Starr

I'm currently listening to Crash by Racheal Starr. It's a double thumbs up! I love it so much. It's a ten out of ten. I hope you will enjoy it. Song's displayed above and lyrics are displayed below.

Racheal Starr - Crash Lyrics

Running around, nowhere to go
You gave me life and gave it meaning
Running around, nowhere to go
Somehow I think you know

Lost in a world you brought me into
Can I live after you
You gave me life and gave it meaning
Is this the way it goes

Can't stop thinking of the day you left
There wasn't even time to catch my breath
How can us be, you're gone from me
The last thing I wanted was for you to leave

Now that you're gone I must move on
Your dreams are my reality
I gotta go, get away
It's time for me to...

Run away now, run away now
Run away, run away
Run away now, run away now
Run away, run away

I feel you somewhere deep inside of me
You've always gained my strength
Running around, nowhere to go
Somehow I think you know

Can't stop thinking of the day you left
There wasn't even time to catch my breath
How can us be, you're gone from me
The last thing I wanted was for you to leave

Now that you're gone I must move on
Your dreams are my reality

I gotta go, get away
It's time for me to...
Running around nowhere to go... (5X)

Run away now, run away now
Run away, run away
Run away now, run away now
Run away, run away

Lost in a world you brought me into
I feel you somewhere deep inside of me
Running around nowhere to go...(3X)
Run away now, run away now

Run away, run away
Run away now, run away now
Run away, run away
Running around nowhere to go... (7X)