Dear, Diary....: No more lonely Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is coming soon. Have you found your match? I know I have. ;) Aheheheheee. Mmm.. What is it about today that makes me feel weird? I just couldn't remember. My eyes are swollen, and my mind is in another zone. Maybe to another mystical dimension, but it's killing me when I get other things in mind when I'm in the middle of doing something much more important. :( Gaaah! I blame myself for letting that happen. You know, I've started to realize that once I let new people enter my life, I change bit by bit due to the adjustments I have to make for their presence in my life. And with that, more people, more adjustments and more and more changes.
Have I not be kind enough to let these people in? But seriously, why do they want in? There's these type of people called "Friends for Benefits". I know what it means. But why? It sucks having people like those around. It's like I'm letting them around to ruin my life, spoil me, and distract me because they know distractions is one of my weaknesses. It bothers me. Why can't everyone just be nice to each other? I have heaps of reason after reason why I haven't been myself lately. But I can't seem to understand how and why I've changed into a horrible person. It's been really stressful and excruciatingly painful. Enough being a bother and mind yourself than minding others. I'm a mistake. A mistake that people will learn from. Once you're with me, you start to observe my mistakes and lastly, hate me, leave me and prevent yourself from making the mistakes I have made. I've been there many times. I have a group of bestfriends that I seldom meet because I love them too much to ruin their lives. I've ruined many already. But this time, let me protect them as I love them so much. I've done too many wrongs and I don't want to put it out on them cause they've always been there for me eventhough during random times. They're just so unpredictable. :')

Menda, Nu, Fee, Liey and Ruby. You're the best!