Bilaaay's special day

So, today Zye, Nabil, Sakinah, Tipsy, Dayah and I spent our day at Kiulap for Nabs's special day. It was quite funny though cause it wasn't much of a surprise. We were actually gonna surprise her and all, but yeah, you know. We suck at it. Hahaha. The silly part was, we planned to have lunch at Capers but we forgot that Capers closes at 2:30pm, so we decided to form it at Au lait. It was quite alright though. We were all just shocked when we saw the bill. We spent $102 :O
Hahaha. I hope Nabs had fun though. :) And I hope I was nice enough towards her. HAHA. I miss Piya :/ Well, here are some pictures. The pictures tells it all. Enjoy~~

The birthday girl, Nabs (on the left) and si Frustrated, Zye (on the right)

Birthday girl ♥
Tipsy and Sakinah ;)

Nabel and Zye. (p/s. They're cousins. Don't get the wrong idea! hahah!)

Dayah (on the left), innocent cow (in the middle and also strangled by Dayah :P) and birthday girl (on the right)

Sakinah :)

Oh well, I'm off now. It's already late. Will update more soon. Goodnight :)

Happy Birthdaaaay, Bilaaaaaay!♥

The pictures below shows a girl , I've known for not so very long. We've been close friends for more than a year. She is not just my classmate, but a friend who's always been there for me. She's the only person who has a voice clip of me being drunk. I was drunk, so, I drunk dialled her. She's quite mischievous, so, she recorded whatever I said when I drunk dialled her. HAHAH! Keep it to yourself man! Don't ever let anyone else listen to it! HAHAHA. I know I haven't been much of a good friend. But that does not mean I have forgotten all that we've been through together.
Billy, she's the best of the best. And YAY, you're finally 17. :) Isn't that cool! In one more year, you're no longer underaged! hahaha. I thank you so much, Nabs. I know we've been through a lot of ups and downs. We argue, we make up. Thats what we do to make us realize how much we actually cared for each other. We're very opinionated with everything, thats why we debate most of the time.Oh well, I don't blame you. Not everyone has the same beliefs. Everyone has different beliefs. Heheh. On top of that, you're not just some kind friend who doesn't give a shit about others. You are waaay amazing than that. I love you, i love you, i love you, Siti Nabilah binti Rosli. And forgive me for always being such a pain in the ass. Everytime I drink yakult, you're always the first person I could think of. Hahah! Oh dear Nabs, you're a wonderful, amazing and loyal friend. If it weren't for you, I'd still be a horrible person by now. But thankfully, all that has changed. I'm still trying to be nice every now and then, you know. Heheh. Nani doesn't wanna be a meanie forever. Haha. I can't wait to spend time with you on your special day at Capers. :)
I can't help it. Oh well, i'm just gonna greet you again! I LOVE YOU, SITI NABILAH BINTI ROSLI! AND HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYY! And looks like I have to be nice to you today. Hahaha :)

Billy, with short hair. Flawless (Y) (now)

Somehow, I really miss your long curly hairrr! :/ (before)

Billy and Piya (L)

Us :)

Them ♥

Enjoy your day and have a blast, Bestie. You'll never know what's ahead of you on your special day.

xoxo

p/s. you're the best. I remember the first time you caught me when i fell. (not literally! haha)You made me believe that everything'll be alright eventhough things were getting messy and out of hand. :)

You're a true friend. I don't know what I'll be without you.

Its Sunday. Nothing exciting, just a simple ordinary day. But, I don't know. This week, I've been feeling so alive for... I don't know what reason. I'm really not sure. But I gotta figure out as soon as possible. Cause I need this undescribable feeling to stay.


So yeah, I made a new friend. And she's awesome. (Y) Here's a photo of her.

She's the one on the left.

"Psssst. Hi, Maliey" :)

We have not known each other long, but after spending hours of getting to know her, she's an interesting person. Overall, she's the definition of F-U-N! :D And Nani loves fun. Hee. She's so fun, I even call her Monkeybutt. :P Hehehee.

Anyway, I just realized today's a lovely day. I just looked outside of my window, and hmm.. I feel like going out, but I'm kinda training myself to stay at home most of the time. I mean, I can't always go out right? I need rest too. Maybe I'll just go out for a jog. Oh, I forgot to tell you. I've officially moved from Rimba to Bandar. :) And nowadays, I often jog at the nearest jogging site. Tasek Lama. :) If anyone needs company to jog with, I'm aways available. :)

Wow, I think I'm bored now. Here's a random image I found. I hope you'll like it. Hee

www.who'syourdaddy.com/spankmeharder.orgasm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

More will be updated soon. See ya. :)

Especially from you

A someone in particular made me this, but I edited it a little. Umm.. I love you too.. but I'm still confused.. but yet, I'm still trying to fight that feeling.. And instead, it gave me this feeling..

Career's day

Okay, this is weird. I had a wonderful day again today. Eventhough a few were shedding tears. Hmm.. But everyone managed to get back the smiles on the few people's faces. :)

We had a Career's day at school today. People from IGS, Vocacional school, Laksamana College of Business, Sekolah Perdagangan, Maktab Teknik etc came over and gave us references about how to become successful and all that. I was quite interested in two of those that came. I was interested in Laksamana College of Business and Sekolah Perdagangan. I do not know why I'm into business but somehow it's exciting. Especially with all the activities involved when you study there. Still having thoughts of it though. Plus, I still have a long way to go anyway. I have to get through my O Levels first before I finally get to decide where I want to go.

A lot has been going through my mind again. Hmm.. Something seems to keep on bothering me. And no, its not about the past. I'm talking about the present. Its about this particular person. She's more likely to be someone new in my life. I wish to understand her.. But I need more guide in this. Have you ever encountered that feeling where you've started falling for someone but you know you can't have that person and all you can do is to always be thee for that person? Its so.. stressful.. Cause I seriously don't know what to do.. :/ *sighs. I'm so clueless. All i can do is fight this feeling cause I know, good things will happen for those who wait.

Amazingly, I had one of the most awethomest day today :) Not only that, today's Hazwan's Birthday. Dude, I may not know you too well, but hey, man. Happy Birthday!! Have a blast ;) You deserve it. Eventhough I didn't get a cupcake :(

Here's the Birthday Boy. ;) And again, Happy 16th Birthday. Qayyum's giving him a special SWEET Sixteen at SWENSEN. How SWEET is that? Like, literally SWEET (Y)

I seriously don't know what is it about today that makes me smile all day long, like, you know, everyone in the class was so cheerful and happy. Some were a bit pissed with the loss of Manchester, still. Eventhough the Liverpool fans kept rubbing it on our faces. -_-" Eeeestuupiid! Hahha. But we managed to ignore all that. I had fun during assembly. I stood at the back of the line because I didn't really like being infront. I was supposed to though I was one of the school's councellor. Back to the story. I stood at the bacl of the line with the year 11D boys. They were soo hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing. All of us laughed and stuff. Even during the National Anthem, The school song and also during the pledge. I think Teacher Putri saw our misbehaviour. Because she announced something which included these words "Those crowd at the back (Refers to us but we pretended to turn to the back again like as if there was someone else behind us. HAHAH!), I notice they were laughing and giggling since just now. Where is your respect for the National Anthem? This is an example of 'What monkey see, monkey do', and we carried on giggling till the end. After the assembly, we kept repeating what she said. "Monkey see, monkey do. Monkey belong in the zoo. ;)

During English period, we were so bored with Teacher Sonia's babblings. I do respect her a lot though, but at times, she gives us a lot of unnecessary facts needed until we get bored and fall asleep during her class. -__-"

So, me, Piya and Qayyum were joking around talking in class etc. I learnt a new word today. "Eteih(however you spell it)" It means "Ouch" in Thai. I know, it's not much of a word, but still. It's considerably new. I was like "Eteih eteih eteih all the way". Then Piya was like "Nan, don't say it like that!" Then I asked "Why not, Piya?". She answered by whispering to my ears and said "Because you made it sound like as if you were moaning! It's what they use though when the people in thai fuck. They use eteih a lot." And i was like "WHAAAT??!! :O HAHAHAHAAH"

And then Qayyum joined us in the middle of our conversation.. He was also wondering what Eteih is. So, we told him. And he was like "Whoaaa! " With that funny look on his face. HAHAHA. Oh well, wouldn't tell you the story in detail on that part, but what i can tell you is, Qayyum was so majal to hear Piya moan! hahahahahah. Then, we asked Arrifah to moan and say Eteih at the same time. She actually did it though. But it was a huge TURN OFF!!! hahahahahahhahahhahhahhahahhahah!

Oh well, thats it for today. Will update more later. Now I have to be ready for tuition eventhough its still early. Cause I promised the boys I'd buy them donuts at the mall first, then I'll be off to A-Plus. My second Alma Mater ;)

You, I miss

This pretty girl below here is Nanee. And I miss her so badly.
:(


Eventhough time has passed by so quickly, that does not mean I have forgotten you entirely already. At times, I just thought you needed your time alone. I'm just doing it all as a favour for you. Because I don't wanna end up hurting you. :( You are one special lady. And having your presence in my life is way beyond meaningful. :)

Something meaningful

Someone told me this. I find it sweet though. I wouldn't reveal who that particular person is, but all I know is, I'm feelin the love too. ;)



Hehehe. Sweet kan? I love you too. ;)
And I hope you know who you are. I know the image above doesn't look similar to the one you drew from our last conversation in msn, but just to let you know, I edited it. So yeah. I love you, manith. ;)

A few thoughts of mine for the day

Me and My Random thoughts:

I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he's flying along, low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground. Now that's a documentary.

I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.

If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

As a young girl, when you get splashed by a mud puddle on the way to school, you wonder if you should go home and change, but be late for school, or go to school the way you are; dirty and soaking wet. Well, while she tried to decide, I would drive by and splashed her again.

If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him/her to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting the vulture.

Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?

If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you

Tie your shoes and change your pants!:

Fashion is not something I tend to concern myself with, ever. I just don’t care and can’t be bothered to exert the energy required to keep up with the latest trends. That doesn’t mean I don’t know when something looks ridiculous or doesn’t go well together.Take for example, guys who wore skinny jeans. What the heck is up with that?! Clearly they think they look good. But I feel bad for them. I really do. They make themselves look silly! It seems to me that this generation prefers skinny jeans the way the guys I grew up with seemed to prefer baggy jeans with the crotch at their knees. Which I also happen to think looks ridiculous.However, I have more to say about the boys in their skinny jeans. For cryin’ out loud - tie your shoes! The skin tight appearance of your jeans mixed with your untied shoes makes you look like you have clown feet!! Not attractive - at all. And yet, so hysterical that it almost makes me wish you’d all trip out of those untied shoes and land on your faces. Almost.I’m not dumb enough to believe that would change anything or magically tie your shoes. Cause apparently, I missed something. Tying your shoes isn’t cool. Wow, good thing I don’t care about fashion trends. But you know, maybe it’s not even a fashion “trend/statement”. Maybe it’s because you’re all too lazy to sit down and take 30 seconds out of your day to tie your shoes. It’s probably not even that either though. It could be the other thought I’m gonna leave alone solely because of how my mentioning it by name might be perceived. I pretty much despise sensorship but have too much respect for people whose eyes will read this to go there.The point of this isn’t to convince anyone to dress differently or anything. That’s not my forte. At all. I simply just needed to say something after seeing a teenage boy doing what I’m sure he thought was “rockin” the skinny jeans and untied shoes look at the movies and finding it amusingly absurd. And there you have it. A rant on guys’ “fashion” from somebody who (obviously) isn’t a dude and cares nothing about the subject of fashion in the first place. But I guess that’s not completely true since I just went off about it entirely for all the world (well close enough) to see.Before I wrap this up, I have to acknowledge there might be some girls who see this and think I wouldn’t know good looking if it bit me. And that’s fine, but that’s the beauty of opinions. Everybody is entitled to their own. Maybe they’ll even roll their eyes or crack a smile. Peace.

I've missed you so much :

Have you ever loved someone who broke your heart and you stayed with them anyway because you couldn't bear to part? Have you ever loved someone who is not always there to love you and tell you they care? Have you ever tried to move forward with wounds that won't heal and pretend things are fine when you feel so much pain? Have you ever tried to move forward with a longing to forget when your mind is telling you that you will regret?

"When I'm with you, my heart dissolves the pain eventhough my mind tells me this relationship is vain. And still, I can't bear to let you go because I love you so much from head to toe and inside out. I'm expressing these feelings with you today because I Love you so much."

I just needed you to know:

As the days tick by so slowly, my eyes tear up and I cry. My heart feels so heavy, I wish that I would die. I don't see the beauty in flowers nor even the sun when it shines. I am so lonesome without you and still, my love for you won't decline. Everyday I think of our days together and the wondrous times we shared. My heart is broken in pieces knowing those were the days you used to care.

I don't want to keep looking but still I can see. All the things you did to me. I wish I could wake up from this nightmare and all these things which are not as they seem to be. What you're doing to me I'll have to face. Because hiding my eyes still won't erase. I didn't want to leave. I really want you. If you only knew. I've been terribly unhappy. An idiot is what I've become. What you've done to me changed me. :'(

Even though we have separated our ways. And together wee don't spend our days, I still have a place in my heart for you. Because my love has always been sincere and true. If by any chance you want to come back to me, there's no need for you to plea, baby. My door is always open for you. I've missed you so much!

All in one weekend

Lastnight, I slept over at Nuu's after a girls night outing at Gadong. The pictures tells it all.

The next day, we attended this Palestine Humanitarian Fund at Maktab Sains. It was awesome. The speech touched a lot of hearts and influenced so many people. Some even cried of how the Israel army treated the citizens of Palestine. Its so cruel and inhumane. It was nice enough that me and my friends came and contributed a little and showed how much we care for those suffering in Palestine. I was gonna cry, but, I didn't wanna ruin my eyeliner. ;) heee. So yeah. After attending the event, we went straight to My nest cafe as we were so bored. The pictures explains it all. ;)

:)

Whats up, fellas?

Hello, fellow earthlings. I know I haven't updated my blog in a while. Well, I'm about to, but I'm thinking about what to post. My life is still same old same old.
So, I don't really know what I should update. Right now I'm soo bored stiff and I'm kinda waiting for someone in particular to go online. But I think she's away or something cause she hasn't been replying my texts.
So basically, I'm in the midst of boredom. *sighs. About my life right about now, makes not much of a difference as it used to be. I wish there was something new going on. I went over to Menda's on a Monday afternoon. It was so last minute. As I arrived there, I was surprised to see Mimi. My god, I haven't seen her in a while. Ruby was there too. Sadly Nunu, Fee and Liey weren't around. Soo boring. :( We're like this female version of Power Rangers! hahaha
So anyway, I missed them soo much. We've been missing in action for soo long. Thats why we're planning to do a girls night outing this coming Saturday. Woohoo! Can't wait. I'm actually excited about it. Just me, Menda, Fee, Nuu, Liey and Mimi. I'm not sure if Ruby's coming though. You know lah. Orang sudah beboyfriend. Lupa tia kawan. hahahah!
Right now I'm listening to Halo by Beyonce. It's this really touching song which i love very much. Beyond verymuch. If only there was a better definition to what I'm saying. It's just a touching-ly beautiful song. Listening to it every morning lift my spirits up and I am now able to start my day without shedding a tear over my ex.
Cause I believe I'll find a better happiness with someone else someday. We'll never know. Good things will happen for those who wait. :)
I am waiting. Sincerely waiting for someone who can replace my sorrows with a heart full of happiness.
Oh well, I think I'm done typing all these down. I have other things to do. Will update more soon. :) Adios, amigos and chicas! xo's

A new me

I finally decided to cut my hair. :) I didn't want to at first, but... I don't know. I was holding a pair of scissors in my hand and during that particular time, I was bored. So I said to my self, "Why not?" So there ya go. Oh! And ignore my neck please. It's not a lovebite. It's one of those skin allergies caused by ny pin tudong. :( What a spoiler right? Tssk. Oh well, that's all for now. Will update more soon Goodnight! :)

A life full of meanings which are meaningless

There's something about today that makes everything feel so right and yet... so wrong. I do not understand this. What's missing? What's too much? :S
Have you ever encountered the feeling where you're facing a major difficulty that you don't know how to handle and you have noone to turn to but yourself?
I'm not sure that's what I'm feeling but somehow that's partially the resemblance of how I feel. If only I could exterminate this feeling away. Sometimes, I feel so alone and forlorn eventhough I'm already in a commited relationship. But I just have to get rid of that feeling away. I have to deny every single feeling in order to prevent myself from getting hurt and being the one to hurt others who doesn't deserve to be hurt.
I need time to adjust. But time isn't always there for me either. I've been so caught up with other things and left with no time to spare. All I have left is the past to learn from which is good enough for me to go through day by day. It's karma. I deserve this. If only there was a better punishment than this.
My mind often feels... unsettled. During times where I should be concentrating, I'll end up having my mind in another field of unpredictable wonders whereby I really should pull myself together because it's kind of a bother to others as well as it is to me.
It's late. My wrist is hurting from the badminton racket accident, my chest is in pain, my whole body is aching and my ankle accident. If I can make through all this physical pain which hurts me so much, why can't I easily make through emotional pain? There you go. Another set of wonders.
Everything just leaves me wondering without giving me any hints to think of. I'm so full of shit. What am I to do? Nothing but wait for the next one to arrive. I haven't been able to think well enough lately. It's so disturbing.
I've involved myself in a lot of unnecessary predicaments. Why can't I just stay away from trouble? Even I don't know why I keep on questioning myself. It can be such a bother at times. Some part of my day today filled my sunshine with gloom. :/
Why oh why can't I keep these problems to myself and still can go through a day being cheerful, happy and all. Why does it all make me feel so down? I came across random people and asked for their opinions. I asked them what they thought of me from the very first sight. And they said, " First impression, you look really stressed out. That's why I don't find you that friendly and approachable." "You need to lighten up and smile a little bit. Don't be so gloomy all the time." "How come you often look tired? It's like as if you've been restless."
I only reacted with a sigh after listening to their response. What is wrong with me? I'm unbelievable. Too unbelievable.
My life didn't used to be this way. And it's hurting me so badly because I'm an idiot who can't seem to figure out and understand herself. Lack of self-understanding leads to lack in other people's understanding as well, from what I've observed. When people asked me what's wrong, all I answered was "Nothing." But behind their backs, I said to myself "Everything." and kept it in mind.
You know, I start to realize. When it comes to doing good things, I become a pessimist. And when it comes to doing bad and inappropriate things, I become an optimist. Why is it the other way round? Why can't it be the way it should be? So that I am able to emphasize and think of the good parts of a situationrather than the bad part. I guess it's caused from my disbelief that good things will happen in the future.
I'm lack of everything. Including my vitality towards everything and everyone's trust which leaves me as the worthless piece of shit that noone wants to approach.
Each day, all I can do is ignore all that and go through everything without even having the intention to argue with it. It's a feeling I have to let go eventhough it kills me to let it stay.
I don't believe in miracles. Why bother? All's left is me and this fake smile of mine pretending that everything's alright when it really isn't.
Oh well, it's nearly 5 am. I'm off to bed. Will update more soon. Bye.

.........

I've been so busy lately, so, I won't be blogging as much as I used to. :) Cheers. :)

No more lonely Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is coming soon. Have you found your match? I know I have. ;) Aheheheheee. Mmm.. What is it about today that makes me feel weird? I just couldn't remember. My eyes are swollen, and my mind is in another zone. Maybe to another mystical dimension, but it's killing me when I get other things in mind when I'm in the middle of doing something much more important. :( Gaaah! I blame myself for letting that happen. You know, I've started to realize that once I let new people enter my life, I change bit by bit due to the adjustments I have to make for their presence in my life. And with that, more people, more adjustments and more and more changes.
Have I not be kind enough to let these people in? But seriously, why do they want in? There's these type of people called "Friends for Benefits". I know what it means. But why? It sucks having people like those around. It's like I'm letting them around to ruin my life, spoil me, and distract me because they know distractions is one of my weaknesses. It bothers me. Why can't everyone just be nice to each other? I have heaps of reason after reason why I haven't been myself lately. But I can't seem to understand how and why I've changed into a horrible person. It's been really stressful and excruciatingly painful. Enough being a bother and mind yourself than minding others. I'm a mistake. A mistake that people will learn from. Once you're with me, you start to observe my mistakes and lastly, hate me, leave me and prevent yourself from making the mistakes I have made. I've been there many times. I have a group of bestfriends that I seldom meet because I love them too much to ruin their lives. I've ruined many already. But this time, let me protect them as I love them so much. I've done too many wrongs and I don't want to put it out on them cause they've always been there for me eventhough during random times. They're just so unpredictable. :')





Menda, Nu, Fee, Liey and Ruby. You're the best!

Syafie'e and Nu

Nu, Ruby, Fee and LieyRUBY! Imiss you! :/

Nu and Menda

Liey and Fee.

Racheal Bilson

She's my idol. :)

Paradise

I miss this. If only....... :/

Lesson Learnt

I've not much to type down actually. I'm tired and extremely exhausted. I had one hell of a tiring day. So yeah, I went out with my friends last night around 9 and came home at 6:30 am. I didn't sleep satraightaway because I had netball and basketball training and a councellor/monitor meeting. Went home around 10:30 am. Rest for a few hours. Then around 2 pm, I went to the gym to work out with the help of my personal trainer. Went back home around 5 pm. Took a short nap for abot 45 minutes. After that, I showered and had myself ready for tuition at 7 pm sharp till 9:30 pm. Can you tell how tiring is that?
But it's alright actually. No matter how worn off I feel, at least I don't have to think. Like, you now at times when you're busy, all the other things in mind that's been bothering you, would go away? That's exactly what I'm doing. I don't want to think of other things. It's time for me to think ahead nowadays and stop being lazy!
Everything may be tiring for now, but one day, I know it'll all be worth it. :)
I'm a flower that needs soil, water and sunlight. Soil is where I stand. And it is also one of the things that helps me grow. Water and sunlight helps me to grow as well, but, there are also other functions to it. Water and sulight helps me balance myself. If there's no sunlight, there'll be too much water and I'll die. If there's no water, I'll dehydrate and die as well because of the heat of the sunlight. And if there's neither water nor sunlight, then I have no place to stand.
All I'm trying to say is, I need to find myself. To find out the things I'm worth doing. There are so many things to do out there, why not give it all a try? I'm currently interested in Artchitecture, Psychology and Engineering.
To fulfill my dreams, I have to earn it. Like I said before. Education is not something you can buy. It's something for you to learn and understand. That's why at times I get a little pissed off when peole can easily apply for studying overseas just because they can afford it. Especially to some rich people. Thats why it isn't fair to those people who couldn't afford sending their children to study overseas. I'm not trying to insult the rich people. But it's really unfair. Hardworking students work so hard to earn scholarships and those "lazy students who didn't put any effort to studying" with rich parents can just easily get themselves to study overseas. Seriously, I'm not trying to insult the rich people. I'm just saying that, you gotta appreciate what's out there for you. Don't just take things for granted. We can't turn back into time ya know. So we just have to take whatever chances we can get while we're still learning. Don't give up. If you fail, there's no harm trying again to work hard and never repeat the same mistakes again. It's like a part of living. We learn from our mistakes. :)
I'm off to bed now. I'm so sleepy and tired. I will update soon. Goodnight. :)

blablablablablaaaaa~

:)

This is me with new coloured hair.

And this is me and Adek looking tanned right after basketball training. :)

Bida waaah usul me! :P Hahahahha. Adek took this shot. Yehh! I don't like taking pictures!

Thats all for now. Adios, amigos! xoxo