Random Problems that I have to face.

Umm, I'm actually kind of clueless and I have no idea what to type down this very minute. I'm currently at the hospital all by myself and it's friggin' chilly! Even my teeth can't stop cluttering. And not only that, my body won't stop shiverring. I don't actually like being in low temperatures. So yeah, I've been at the hospital for more than a week now. My father is really really ill. I've never actually expected my dad to be this sick. I just didn't see it coming. Even as his only daughter, I don't know what to do to lift his spirits back up. My dad loves me and I just don't know how to appreciate that. I'm not that very closely attached to my dad eventhough we live under the same roof. He loves me, I know. He just has a different way of showing how much he loves me. Not only me, my other siblings as well. He's not the average dad that always buys his daughter chocolates, stuffed animals etc. He's different unlike any other dads. He doesn't show us his affectionate side. He's always mean and grumpy towards us but we know deep down inside, he's not like that. So anyway, back to the story. He's been staying at the hospital since Sunday(14th September). I'm here at the hospital because, I want to look after him at all causes. Now he's sound asleep, so, I took advantage of my free time blogging since I have no one to chat with at this late hour. You know, I thought the hospital is a healthy hygienic place to cure the ill. But I realised I was wrong. I was healthy when I first arrived here. And after just about a week of staying over at the hospital, I've become from physically healthy to sick as hell! I seldom get sick, so yeahh. Maybe it's because of the low temperature. So, anyway, recently, I've been having sudden flashbacks from the past. I was such a pain in the ass. I've been too stressed out as hell nowadays. And, the last thing I need is losing a relative whom I prefer to consider as my very own sister. With that, I highly believe that I am still a pain in the ass. Yes, Wani. If you're reading this, I'd like to say I'm sorry. I haven't changed and I do not wish to change for the sake of saving our friendship. I just need to learn how to divide my time between friends and my current relationship. I thought you wanted me to be happy. As someone who's closely attached to me like you, you're supposed to understand. Hmm. Doesn't matter. I bet you hate me by now. Neither things nor people remain the same. Like they always say, people come and go. I don't want my dad to go, so, I can tell that you don't want me to go either. Vice versa. I just need time to get used to all of this. It hasn't always be easy for me. I have a frown that usually disguises itself as a smile. I normally show how upset I am to people. But if you're close to me, you can trace lies of expressions and impressions and also, you're able to tell whether I'm upset, happy, miserable bla bla bla. *sudden sighs. I just realised I can't MC nor send my baby a text message. Nyehh. I hope my baby's at school now. I'm running out of things to type. I'll post something as soon as I have the time. :)

much much love

Nani♥