Dear, Diary....

Day 7-8, I "long" you.

2011-12-04T03:55:00.001+08:00

Dear diary, for the past few days I haven't been doing anything much so, there's no update here. Just that within the 2 days, all I want to do is curl up in bed all day long while texting with my beloved Jack. Hehehehe.

So yeah, not much updates. All I can say is, B, you're the sunshine on a cloudy day. No matter how bad things will turn out, with you around, nothing else matters, B. I soooo can't wait for you to come back, B. I'm drowning myself in tears missing you (There I go exaggerating like I always do). Hehe. Well, it's good to know that you have already left Singapore and your next destination will be Langkawi. Heeeee. Unfortunately, you're going to have to sail there for 3 consecutive days. I'll miss you. 3 days of not hearing from you is like sucking on a lollipop without a stick b. :( So, I expect a lovey dovey text from you in Langkawi on Monday. SERIOUSLY BE GOOD IN LANGKAWI, BABY!!!! (Sorry, lupa tutup caps) Lol.

I smile whenever I receive your texts. You really are something, B. I don't know what I'd do without you. I miss the first time we had lunch. Can't stop mesmerizing those beautiful eyes of yours. And I loved how you took me for a long cruise all over Brunei(Bandar). I miss the first time we had breakfast, I find it cute we shared reading the newspaper together. Lol :') and then dinner...... :$ hehe. I love us kissing everywhere we go. I love those late night meet ups. Those late night cuddles.. I love you so much, B. I really can't wait for you to come back soon. Claiming hugs and kisses. And surprisingly, I miss you pinching my cheeks whenever I say "Banartahteww". Lol. I have never felt a love so honest and true like the love you've given me, Boo. :')

You are beyond the definition of amazing. I just don't know what I'd do without you.. Come back soon cause I wanna give you all the luvin' you deserve after 20 days of being away, B. Word on the street tells me that a hug can represent how much you love a person.. If that's the case, I want to hold on to you forever, B. What I feel for you is less of earth and more of cloudless heaven. Thank you for accepting me and my awful flaws. I am thankful and gratefully blessed to have met you and managed to get the opportunity to love and be loved by a wonderful person like you. Let's thank Facebook, shall we? Lol.

B, I LOVE YOU! Just writing that puts a smile on my face. You put a smile on my face. :') I love you because of your sweetness, your kindness, your tenderness and your thoughtfulness. I love you because you are my dear friend and loving companion, you smile at my jokes and laugh at my youthful spirit. I love you because i have a 'long'-ing to be close to you and you long to be close to me. I love snuggling with you under the blankets and cuddling you with your head on my shoulder as we talk about ourselves. I love being near you. I love that you fill the empty spaces between my fingers. I love you because you listen to me as I share the small triumphs or struggles of the day. Remember Black Friday? :( I love you because in moments of friction between us, you hear me out. Even when you don't agree with me, you listen with a longing to understand me. I'm sorry if I have made you suffer due to my imperfections and my shortcomings largely without complaint.

Oh, B. I miss you. I want to be with you and hold you. :/ I want to gently touch your face and cup your cheek in my hand as I look into your beautiful eyes. I want to cuddle and snuggle with you just so that I can be close to you. I want to rub your arms and legs and stare across the bed as we talk of our feelings for one another. I want to hold your hand across the table at a restaurant. I want to romance you, I want you to know how beautiful you are in my eyes. I want you to know how much I cherish and adore you. I want to give my heart to you. I want your heart, I want it all. I know all that I have typed down sounds too cheesy for you to handle, but B, this is what I truly feel about you. Sigh.....

My heart longs for you. My heart longs to leap at the sound of your voice........ ;) My heart longs to be filled with Joy by your smile. My heart longs my love, respect and adoration to flow to you as I gently kiss your hands(On the right hand especially!) Lol. My heart longs to be warmed when I hold you in my arms. My heart longs to feel the passion as I caress your face, stare into your beautiful eyes and tenderly kiss you. My heart longs to see our love for one another grow as we cuddle and we share from the heart. My heart longs to express my love for you as I look into your eyes while we talk. My heart longs to be calmed and comforted as I lovingly kiss you all over and caress your bare arms. My heart longs for me to cup your face in my hands and draw you in for a tender, loving, passionate kiss. My heart longs to feel the sensual passion and desire as our lips meet. My heart longs to express its desire as I tenderly and lovingly wrap my arms around you and let my hands crawl all over your body....... *OKAY I'M GETTING TOO DEEP! SIMBAH TIA ME PLSSS*
Lol. I hope you enjoyed reading that, B. Sorry for the rest of the readers if you find this post very discomforting. Lol. The things we end up typing down when we're crazily in love. Lol.

I love you, B. And you know it. I just can't wait to have you back here with me. Right next to me. Behind me. On top of me. All over me. Lol. Callie ain't nothin without Jack! That's a true fact!

Feel this song with me, Baby.

And here are the lyrics to the song:
Stressed out, uptight, overworked, riled up
Unleash what you got let's explore your naughty side
Follow me, where we're going, we don't need no bread crumbs
Cant you see, baby? You're the only one

You are among the few hot women
Let me be your medicine
'Cause I got one thing on my mind, I'll be your valentine
Spread your wings and baby, fly away

It's your body, we can love if you want to
Loud if you want to, scream if you want to
Just let me love you, lay right here, girl, don't be scared of me
Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy

It's your body, we'll go hard if you want to
As hard as you want to, soft as you want to
Just let me love you, lay right here, I'll be your fantasy
Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy

Baby, that's all for you to do, let your body be
I'll lick you down, I'll make you feel like you're out of body
The doctor's here for you

Take you like Twilight, I'll touch your neck
You don't have to say anything, I'll get you wet, yeah
Push you up against the wall, turn you out and turn you on
Yea, yea, whoa

It's your body, we can love if you want to
Loud if you want to, scream if you want to
Just let me love you, lay right here, girl, don't be scared of me
Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy

It's your body, we'll go hard if you want to
As hard as you want to, soft as you want to
Just let me love you, lay right here, I'll be your fantasy
Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy

Girl, it's your body we can do whatever you like
Girl, it's your body we can do whatever you like
It's your body we can ride and rock and roll
Ride and rock and roll
Ride and rock, oh oh oh oh

It's your body, we can love if you want to
Loud if you want to, scream if you want to
Just let me love you, lay right here, girl, don't be scared of me
Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy

It's your body, we'll go hard if you want to
As hard as you want to, soft as you want to
Just let me love you, lay right here, I'll be your fantasy
Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy

Shawty, shawty it's your body we can do can do can do
(Sex therapy)
Shawty, shawty it's your body we can do whatever you like
(Sex therapy)
Just let me love you, lay right here, girl, don't be scared of me
Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy.

So yeah, that is all for today, I hope you enjoyed reading my current post because, I enjoyed typing them down for Jack. Lol. Anyway, till next post. Thanks to those for taking the time to read this. :) Enjoy your weekend ♥♥♥

P/s. Jack, you just gotta love it when Robin sang the part "The doctor's here for you" ;)

I'm lost without U.

2011-12-02T02:58:00.000+08:00

Just a short post about this song I am currently listening to. Oh my........:$ One of the sweetest sexiest song I've heard so far. Lol. For you, Baby J♥♥♥♥♥. Mmwah!

Here are the lyrics for the song :

I'm lost without you
Can't help myself
How does it feel?
To know that I love ya baby
I'm lost without you
Can't help myself
How does it feel?
To know that I love ya baby

Tell me how you love me more
And how you think I'm sexy baby
But you don't want nobody else
You don't want this guy
You don't want that guy
You wanna touch yourself when you see me
Tell me how you love my body
And how I make you feel baby
You wanna roll with me
You wanna to hold with me
You wanna stay warm and get out of the cold with me
I just love to hear you say it
It makes a man feel good baby
Tell me you depend on me
I need to hear it

I'm lost without you
Can't help myself
How does it feel?
To know that I love ya baby
I'm lost without you
Can't help myself
How does it feel?
To know that I love ya baby

Baby your the perfect shape
Baby your the perfect weight
Treat me like my birthday
I want it this way
I want it that way
I want it, Tell me you don't want me to stop
Tell me it would break your heart
But you love me and all my dirty
You wanna roll with me
You wanna to hold with me
You want to make fires and get Norwegian wood with me
I just love to hear you say it
It makes a man feel good baby

I'm lost without you
Can't help myself
How does it feel?
To know that I love ya baby
I'm lost without you
Can't help myself
How does it feel?
To know that I love ya baby

Cause you will tell me every morning
Oooohhh all right baby
Ooooh yeah
Oh baby
Oh darlin
All right right

I'm lost without you!
Can't help myself
How does it feel?
To know that I love you baby
I'm lost without you
Can't help myself
How does it feel?
To know that I love yoou baby!

Ooh yeah
Oh baby
Oh darlin'
All right right
Oh baby
Oh darlin'
Ooh ooh baby
All right right... yeah.

Day 3-6. Lovin u long time! ♥

2011-12-01T23:24:00.001+08:00

Hello, everybody. Sorry I haven't posted anything for the past few days. Been keeping myself busy for "You know who!" Lol.

So yeaaa, today is the 6th day Jack has been away. Who would've known I would survive that long. But yeah, I still have 14 more days to go till Jack comes back. I am really eager and excited to see Jack. Can't wait.

What have I been doing for the past few days? Let the pictures do the talking. :)
I was at home the whole day on the 3rd day, nothing special. Just felt like painting.

So, I painted a little something for Jack. Did a few sketches at first.

Started painting bit by bit.

And again bit by bit. Lol.

Fully painted everything, gave some touch ups, contrast some colors and last but not least, outline, and here it is. The things I feel like doing when it comes to love~ Hehe :)

So yea, on the 4th day(29th November 2011)Jack was not around, I had lunch with me bestie at KJ Restaurant located in Gadong same block with CAM. :)

Look at that Laksa goodness. Mmmmmmmm. Hehehe.

Right after the lunch, we went off to The Mall for a little window shopping, and stopped by at The Colony for a little Hi-tea.

Here is my friend's Chocolate mousse. Not bad, I'd give it a 6 out of 10.

And I had the Fresh Fruit Meringue. Tastes remarkable. Nothing like I've ever tasted before, but I would prefer it better if they used mangoes instead of peaches. The strawberries and the kiwis, surprisingly fresh!
I'd give it a generous 8.5 out of 10. Hehe.

After Hi-Tea, me and my friend went to pick up my mum from work sent her home and continued on our scavenger hunt. Lol. We went to Hua Ho Mall Manggis. Yes, we are that bored.

I giggled when I found this..... Lol. Waterproof from what???? :P

Then we went downstairs cause I had to do a little grocery shopping :)

After that, we went to La Mee located in Serusop. Yes, we've been eating all day loooong. Lol. We were that crazy. Dinner at La Mee was great!

We had our Teh O :)

This is what my friend ordered, I forgot what was the name of the dish. But it tastes good tho.

I ordered the La Mee Buttermilk Eggsplode? I don't quite remember the name but it kinda sounds something like that. It tastes frickingly good! But I didn't manage to finish it cause there was too many! lol

After dinner, we schmoozed a little and I received a WA text from a friend wondering if I have the time to play some pool. Well, since I didn't want to leave my friend alone, I took her along with me and we played pool at Merce Snooker, located at Kiulap same block with Blue Eden. Finally got the chance to meet the lovebirds after being MIA for a while. Zarry and Nisa. Lol. Both of you are soo cute together! I didn't take pictures when we played pool. But I did take a picture of ball no. 6!

Majal inda mau masuk! Grr! Lol. "Bula paling karas" - Quoted by Zarry.

We had a great time. :) Enough said.

After pool, we had a loong cruise trying to crash a place cause we were craving for some hot teaa. Cause my friend had a sore throat, so I encouraged her to drink hot tea.
After a while, we decided to stop by at De Royalle which is located in Bandar Seri Begawan. It is not far from where I live and plus, it opens 24 hrs. So, I'm kind of a regular there. I have their VIP card so, at least we don't spend that much??? Lol.

Enjoying our pot of tea, keeping out throats and our bloodstream warm since it was such a cold night. And I had beef kebab for supper. Eat eat eat! LOL. :D

Then after that, I sent my friend back home, I went off for a little cruise and arrived home at 2AM. Lol. It feels great though, cause I spent 12 hours with my bestie. I know someday we won't hangout as much as we used to and all. I'm just glad we spent half a day together. I can already imagine one day, when you get married, we won't be as close as we used to. I'm gonna miss you, bestie. :) You know who you are... :)

So yeah, the next day(5th day), which was on 30th November, I woke up extremely late. Woke up with the thoughts of Jack. Missing you, B. I don't know what happened, I think I had an emotional breakdown. I tried to pull myself together. I went to the beach all by myself around 5 pm.

Loving the sunset, so much. If only Jack was around :/ Missing you, Boo.

This is the best part, I've always been afraid to walk on wooden bridges. But I said to myself, if I don't walk the walk, how am I going to overcome my fears? So I made it till the very end although I was really terrified. The part with no railings creeps the shit out of me Lol.

And last but not least... this..... Beautiful. :)

Night time? I become hantu. That's all I can say. :P

Today is the 1st of December. Nothing special about this month. Just that I'm missing Jack terribly much.
Oh baby, 2 more weeks without you, it's driving me N.U.T.S. Today, I just stayed at home slept all day and text with you. It cheered up my day a little bit. Baby, I am lost without you. I am so sorry for the things I have said that night. I will not give up on us... I can't wait till you come back. :D Hehehe. The many things I want to do to you..... *cough* I mean, do "with" you. Lol. Loving you always, B.

This song suits me so well. Telling me I should just have the patience. Lol

And this is for you, Baby J ♥. I love you. Mmwah!

That's all for now, peeps. Till the next post~ :D
Goodnight!

Day 2, Without you again :(

2011-11-28T01:46:00.002+08:00

So, I had a Sunday without having your presence again. Baby, I think you know how badly I am missing you right now :(

Anyway, I spent my Sunday with my mum and my bestest bestie Lieyana Az. We've gone much more clingy than we used to. Lol. Had lunch with mum, Hi-tea with Lieyana. A short shopping adventure... Well, I haven't done all that in a while. :D It feels great to have wonderful people around me. And I am thankful enough for that.

That's mum enjoying her meal at Aminah Arif, Kiulap. Lol. I love you always, Mum. You're the greatest! :D

So, Lieyana had her Banana Chocolate chip muffin and I had my grilled cheese sandwich for Hi-tea at Fleur-De-Lys, Seri Kiulap Mall. At first, we wanted to try Bello Cafe, but it was insanely packed with people, we just had to go to FDL. Lol. From the grilled cheese sandwich I had, I washed it down with a little something sweet.

I washed down my throat with Hot Chocolate(Though I am not very fond of chocolate, I had a crazy craving for it.- Cal translate that, Jack! ♥). And Lieyana had her "Black Tea". We actually had an argument about tea. Lol. I asked her, "What type of black tea did they give you?". She replied "Yea, that's it. Black tea.".. I replied "Yes, I know it's black tea, but which tea did you choose? English breakfast tea? Earl Grey tea? Or Darjeeling?". She replied "BLACK TEA!" LOL!! This is why I love you, MAN! ♥♥♥

I don't know why, I had a sudden urge to go to the WW Mart to get some canvas. Look at all those lovely untouched canvas.......... *drools* Anyway, I bought 3 of them in different sizes. I want to modify my room with my own paintings. I bought some wall stickers too, as well. My bedroom's getting a makeover. Can't wait can't wait! Lol.

So, yeaaa, just updating my day so far. I want to update everything, but there's too much.

And to my dearest bestie, LILY RAHIM, please get well soon. I've never appreciated our friendship, so I take this opportunity to say, I love you, Lilz. We've gone through tonnes of things together. I just love playing hard to get with you. :P Though we never had those friendly hugs or sweet moments, but you are the best blondie I've known in my entire life. The silly things we used to do back then, aaaah, those were the times. I don't know what I'd do without you! :D So yea, get well soon, babe. Me and Lieyana Az, we are always here to lend you a hand. :) (Though sometimes when we hangout you always contact us at the wrong timing, lol) I've known you since what? 2004? 2005? Gila, batah wah tueeeee :P I'm just glad we managed to reunite once again after a few years we lost touch. ♥

Dearest, Mum(Hajah Rosnani). I am beyond thankful to have a mother like you, and I don't know what I'd do without you. You remind me to blink when I forgot I should blink my eyes for leaving them open for too long(Just a metaphor). You may scold me sometimes, but I know it's for a good cause. I don't want to fail you anymore, Mama. Cause without you, living means nothing. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, MAMA♥♥♥ You are the strongest person I know.. You handled us all as a single mother ever since Dad passed away. The pain you had to go through for losing a husband and the pain you had to go through having to support the four of us (Abang, me, Hilmi and Fadhli) all by yourself. We miss dad too, Mum. We miss him so much. Have faith in me, mama, cause I don't want to fail you anymore. :') Al-Fatihah to Awang Zulkipli Bin Haji Ahmad. Our Dearly beloved Father. May you rest in peace always, Daddy.

Dear, Jack. I don't know what's on your mind right now. I don't know what to say. I am speechless right now. As I said, I miss you and... I'm thankful to have found you. Though you have been on my friend list for a year plus, it's funny it took me a while to notice your presence. I went through all our status comments and photo comments etc and it made me realize, I was too "hard-to-get" towards you. I guess during that time, I did not know that all those commenting created an interest to us both. I don't know why, but I see it as a miracle. After I recall everything, all I can do is smile. At the same time, I am upset because it took me a while to open my eyes. I am just glad to have met you. Like I said, baby. You are not a rebound or whatsoever.. you are like a breath of fresh air. I don't know how to convince you that I love you because I know things have happened so fast, but somehow I feel like I have known you for a very long time. I love the way you hold me in your arms and never let go, I love how you took the time to see me even though you have such a tight schedule, I love how you pamper me with TLC, I love how you make me laugh, I love it when you send me emoticons from your phone and I always receive them in chinese instead(it does bother me, but baby, that's just you), I love how you tease me by pinching my cheeks and playing around with my double chin even though that annoys me the most(Lol), I love how you stroke my eyebrows with your fingers because you love stroking them, I love how we kiss non-stop because we just want to let our lips do the talking, I love how we make eye-contact, I love it when you keep sniffing my hair and kissing my neck and I love how you found your way into my heart without giving up.
*Fyi, I got myself a new scent, so Bye bye old perfume. Lol. I bet you're gonna miss that aren't you? hehehehe*
It's the second day without you, hopefully I'll be more patient and stronger to handle the fact you're not here with me right now. I can wait. I will always be your property. I have been keeping my schedule extra busy just so that the time will go by faster. Oh darling, I miss you like crazy. I can't wait for you to come back and have you in my arms once again. Like that song you love listening in your car, "Baby, take a chance on me." I'm not talking about "Wet" by Nicole Scherzinger! Lol! I just love you, for being you. From the first day we met, I never stopped thinking about you.. and still until now. I love you from the bottom of my heart, I don't know how else to convince you how insanely in love I am with you. Baby, take care wherever you are. When you've reached your destination, please try to contact me as soon as possible. We don't have to talk so long, I just need to know you've arrived safely. At least I know you're alright :)
I miss having your face in my palm. I miss looking into your beautiful eyes. I miss kissing your forehead while you fall asleep on my shoulders. I miss holding you in my arms. I miss those soft and sweet heavenly lips of yours. I miss your beautiful smile. I miss how you fill up the spaces between my fingers. (Non-stop jua ah me becakap ani) LOL! Sorry for spoiling the moment. Got the habit from you,JACK♥ LOL! You still owe me something at 5 o'clock in the morning! :P JK!! And again, I'm pregnant jack. Anak Bieber. I am craving for chocolates soo much. *candy wrap you tightly. (Cal translate)

I know how much you love the sunset. I took this picture last Sunday 20.11.2011 and during that time, I was with you on WhatsApp. Don't forget to send me pictures of the sunset in Singapore and Langkawi. Even though we are in different places, there is only one sun. And when it sets, I will watch it with you. Mmwah mmwah. Baby, FML you insanely much. *candy wrap tight. :')

Listen to this with me, baby♥ Mmwah!
Well, that's all for today, everyone. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. It's not much, but hopefully it entertained you a little bit. :) Till next post.
Happy holidays, everyone. xoxo ♥

Suffocating without your TLC

2011-11-26T19:54:00.001+08:00

Dear Diary,

Jack has left this morning and, I don't know what to feel right now other than missing em. A day without Jack is like a day without a purpose(Exaggerating, I know. I bet that's what Jack would think of me right now. LOL). Anyway, so far, I handled the day well today. Jack is going to be away for 20 days. So, yea..... I can't wait. Oh baby, I am soooo locoooo without you right now.

Here's a song to tell you how I feel. I guarantee you'd say "Over ni si Callie ani eh!" Lol. JKJK. Hope you're doing fine there. I'm fine here so far. Just that I am miserably missing you. Anyway, here's the song, baby. Cause that's what I feel about you right now.

Somehow some of the lyrics in the vid are wrong. So yea, lemme copy paste some lyrics :)

Now even though I try to play it off
I'm thinkin about you all day long
And I can't wait for shorty to come through
From your lips and back up to your eyes
My hands on your hips when we grind
I'm fantasizin bout what I'm gonna do to you
Got me fiending for her love can't lie
Man you should see how she got me
Spendin all this time with her
And I couldn't leave her if I wanted to
Her love turns me to a fool
Tell me what a man needs to do

Cuz I can't breathe when you talk to me
I can't breathe when you're touchin me
I suffocate when you're away from me
So much love you take from me
I'm going outta my mind
I can't breathe when you talk to me
I can't breathe when you're touchin me
I suffocate when you're away from me
So much love you take from me
I'm going outta my mind

Whenever we up in this bed
And my fingers fall in your hair
I wonder if you feel me watchin you
Cuz I can't go a night without your lovin
Got me lookin at this phone
Every time it rings I hope it's you,
You got my bracin for your love and I've
Fallen for you I can't lie
I just wanna be with you
And, Yes, you got me there I said it
Somebody call the paramedics
Tell em to hurry up and come through

Cuz I can't breathe when you talk to me (can't breathe)
I can't breathe when you're touchin me (when you touchin me)
I suffocate when you're away from me
So much love you take from me
I'm going outta my mind (I'm going outta my mind)
I can't breathe when you talk to me
I can't breathe when you're touchin me
I suffocate when you're away from me
So much love you take from me
I'm going outta my mind

Don't ever leave me girl
I need you inside my world
I can't go a day without you
And see nobody else will ever do
I'll never feel like I feel with you

Cuz I can't breathe when you talk to me
I can't breathe when you're touchin me (when you touchin me)
I suffocate when you're away from me
So much love you take from me
I'm going outta my mind (I'm going outta my mind)
I can't breathe when you talk to me (oh when you talk to me)
I can't breathe when you're touchin me (I can't breathe when you touchin me)
I suffocate when you're away from me
So much love you take from me
I'm going outta my mind (I'm going outta my mind, ohh)

Oh no no I can't breathe
Oh no no I can't breathe (I can't breathe)
Oh no no I can't breathe oh no

I'M CRAZILY CRAVING FOR CHOCOLATES RIGHT NOW! CAL TRANSLATE THAT JACKY! LOL.

*Sorry lupa tutup caps.

Take care over there, me love. I'm pregnant, always. (Another Cal Translate) LOL!!!! FML FML FML <3

Back on track..

2011-11-21T15:22:00.001+08:00

Now all of you must be wondering, "Where the hell has Nani gone to? This blog has gone tooooooo outdated!" LOL. Well, guess what, Peeps? I'm back. Oh, yeah.

I'm still a little rusty at this, haven't blogged since.... my last post? lol.

Anyway, hello. I have gained tonnes of weight since the last post. Teehee. :P So yea, another update. Now I've lost some and it's good. Like I said, working on getting back on track. I know you all miss me. (Lemme enjoy this moment).

I don't know how to begin, I am currently doing nothing, but, soon to attend an interview this coming 24th November 2011. I will be sending myself away to boarding school. I don't know whether that should be a "YAYY" moment or a "BOOOOO" moment. I'll let you decide on that one. ;)

So yea, today's Monday.What a bore. I had the best week last week and I will remember it forever. I don't know how to say it, maybe it's a new flow? But I don't know. I kind of like what I'm having right now. I don't wanna be sad about it, let's proceed. Lol. I'm going through the side of me that I have not activated in a while and for some reason, I want to explore a little more of it. I am actually loving what I'm having now.

Damn, I think I gave myself away a lot back then, I lost this side of me. Oh, I miss blogging, so much. Kinda fills up my everyday free time :D

My new goal for now, study well, succeed, please me and please others. And everyone will be happy. Love life? Don't ask. Kinda have my eyes on a little sweet someone, but, can't put too much hopes on it. ;) Let's just surf with the flow. lol. What goes around come around. All I can say is, I have not had this feeling in a while and it's driving me nuts. Thank you for this smile on my face, Anonymous ;)

Anyway, I can't help but listen to Selena Gomez's current song! It keeps going on in my head and I do not know how to make it stop. "I love you like a love song baby~" Yea, I can't help it. Haha. Admit it. It is quite catchy.
Take a listen:

Catchy, isn't it? Lol.
I was never a fan of hers until I heard this song.

Here are the lyrics to the song:
[Verse 1]
It's been said and done
Every beautiful thought's been already sung
And I guess right now here's another one
So your melody will play on and on, with best of 'em
You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible
A centerfold miracle, lyrical
You've saved my life again
And I want you to know baby

[Chorus]
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hittin' re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hittin' re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

[Verse 2]
Constantly, boy you played through my mind like a symphony
There's no way to describe what you do to me
You just do to me, what you do
And it feels like I've been rescued
I've been set free
I am hyptonized by your destiny
You are magical, lyrical, beautiful
You are...I want you to know baby

[Chorus]
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hittin' re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hittin' re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

[Bridge]
No one compares
You stand alone, to every record I own
Music to my hear that's what you are
A song that goes on and on

[Chorus]
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hittin' re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

I love you...like a love song...

Hehehe, it's addictive.
Well, maybe that's all for now. Hope this post entertained you a little bit. ;)
Any questions, pop me up with a chat on Facebook ;) Have a nice day, I know I will ;)

In a state of confusion

2011-01-27T08:55:00.000+08:00

Hello, everyone(If there are any of you are actually reading anything of what I have been typing in this post). Topic for today is... confusion, pain and endless misunderstandings. Lesson number one... Never hope too much on something. You will end up with a big slap of disappointment on your face. Lesson number two... Don't take things too seriously, or else you'll end up getting hurt and trust me, the pain would be extremely excruciating. Lesson number three.. Avoid one and two to prevent three from happening. You get me? But unfortunately, I've gotten through to number three, so, I'm at the stage where I feel like running away..

I wander the times where I used to be so young and naive and also the time when I never really knew how the true reality is really like. Why can't everyone just be honest and kind and caring and all the other good things people can possibly think of which are nice. But then...... I think the world would be tooooooo insanely dull if the world was full of descent people everywhere. So, I guess maybe life is fair as it is. Whenever there is sadness, there will always be happiness. Sometimes, when you see me daydreaming, do not think that I am dreaming of nonsense. When I daydream, I think about things that are worth and MEANT to be given a thought of. For example,when you see a troop of ants... the first thing in our minds is to kill them, right? But what if we were those ants and those ants are us. Would they kill us? But I've never really imagined myself with an antenna though.

It has been a busy time nowadays for me to even update about anything. My life now? Heavy and big is all I can say. And it is making it very difficult for me to do the things that I normally do and also making it difficult for me to fit into the clothes that I used to love wearing. I can't even fit into jeans. How sad is that?

Due to the things that I have to face everyday is turning me into a better person, but, it has also gotten me into the wrong position. These... "things" that I have is messing around with me. It's like as if I do not know how to... control myself. I just don't know what to do. I don't mind much about having these "things". But it is just that.... I have to face it everyday which is making it worse. That is how I got into number one and number two which has gotten me into number three(Refer to paragraph one to understand thoroughly). The pain.. is just unbearable. And noone knows the pain I have to go through every single day. The things I have to think of, the wrong decisions I have made... I don't want to take any step backwards. Enough running away. I want to stay, but, in a different system. I want to be independent. I want to experiment things, I want to focus and not let other things get in the way. I want to be...... *fill in the blanks*.

If there was a frying pan, there would always be butter! (IM me if you don't understand this).

Is there a biological, painless way for me to cut myself into two? Or perhaps, three might be better. I want to be what they say capable of doing many things at the same time and make everyone pleased and happy, but sadly, that ain't happenin' yet thats fo' sho'.

I seriously need a vacation. Can't wait for May. I wanna go to Kay Elle baby!

You know what's the saddest part of my life? I don't get to meet my friends very often. Actually, never! :( I miss them all very much. It's just sad... so sad actually. Hmm :(

If my life was like a lemon, I want you to squeeze me out. ( That was just a random thought in my head).

Word of the day,
I miss you... and I'm not afraid to deny it..

Oh well, I'm off to work.Have a nice day peeps. :)

Insomnia Season

2010-10-05T02:28:00.000+08:00

Lately... I have been having these non-stop bad habits of staying up late.. Something's kinda bothering me.. and I don't know what's causing me to feel this way.. It's so... unusual. Heh!

I feel like.... a lot of things and people in my life are missing... I just miss them all alot... I wish I... nyeh, seems pointless to wish. I hardly even know what I am talking about right now.

I wonder what's about to happen next...

These past few days, I've been day dreaming of things I have never thought of before. It's been ruining my concentration... Even when I am driving. This is seriously unhealthy -_-" (obviously)

I've been hoping for a miracle to happen.. But.. will it ever happen? I've never felt anything like this.. Like as if.. I don't know what I want... It's like, I have tonnes of options.. But I can't think of one nor even decide which is which.

I just don't like this feeling... I hope.. I don't lose it all :/

I kinda feel bad for this lady... Although, I somehow think I am going through what she is going through. Please don't make me decide things :/
Oh well, I'm off to bed. Gotta work early tomorrow. Goodnight, peeps :)

You, me, back then and now ♥

2010-10-02T02:46:00.004+08:00

GOOD AM EVERYONE!!! :D

It has been ages since i have last blogged. This is the first post for this year.

I've been quite a lazybum these past few months...... (nearly a year actually). Hehe. Just to keep you updated, I am now currently working as a Manicurist & Pedicurist at Almost@Paradise. It's more of a Spa concept goin on in there. So, if you peeps are curious to know, just gimme a text or dial me up! (If you only happen to know my number :P)

Well, what do you need to know about me? Oh, and yes, the rumors are true. I do look like a pregnant lady who has given birth to 3 kids but actually I'm just a 19 year old who's lazy to look good and fat.

The image below will help explain what I've been trying to say in a much more less complicated way.

Hahahaha! Well, this is just an inside joke. What I'm trying to say is.. eversince I have gained tonnes of weight, I've been too embarresed to expose myself to everyone. Heh, I miss my old self. Really. Lately I've been torturing myself to lose weight.. but its not as effective as I thought it would be and not as easy as it was before. Nothing seems to work.

Oh well, moving on. Its around 3 am... I'm actually in the middle of baking my lasagna, but that can wait. Besides, my brother needs it by 7 am. So that'll be fine. Been thinking of opening a lasagna business lately. Mum's been supporting me to do it as well, so I said to myself, "Why not and give it a try?" Even my brother's friend was interested in my lasagna that he requested me to bake for him and all I have to do is just name the price. But, I haven't thought of anything yet though. I just love the feeling of having people enjoying my food. :) When they say it's good, it's like.... soothing music to my ears.

What do I have plans for today? Hmm... well.... In the morning, I have to send the car to NBT for car servicing but mum's doing it for me so I'll be stranded at home without a ride :/.. Mmm... and then after that work.... mm... after work.... maybe..... just watch DVDs? I'm a lame person, I know. Don't rub it in. (Like as if I'm talking to myself the entire time. Haha!)

Note to self....... I NEED TO GET A LIFE!!!!!! It's like as if I've been a loner for quite some time... come here and do add my msn... desperately.in.need.of.friends@hotmail.com.

KIDDING!!!! I do have someone. Someone very special. Someone who doesn't know I've been typing all of this down cause i have not published this post yet (3:20am). And someone who is currently asleep right now.. Hmm.. Imisheww...

My bedroom wall

2009-12-02T00:18:00.001+08:00

I have a bedroom wall full of memories :')

Baby, be mine soon please ;)

2009-12-01T23:54:00.004+08:00

Ooooh, baby, you are so damn sexy. Be mine someday~~ (Sorry, sayang, me curang sekajap sama dream car me :P)

Once I'm behind the wheels of this car, I will chage it to Vogue's Wagon. No more "Volkswagon".

Aii mami, I can't wait to have you. Grrrr.

Battle of the sweet fragrances

2009-12-01T23:45:00.004+08:00

I'm getting annoyed with the fact that my boo keeps on changing her fragrance. Oh, baby, I miss you using your favourite perfume. Clinique Happy. I love the perfume you're using now tho. DKNY Be Delicious. Its nice too. Gahh, I'm stuck with two fragrances. What do you think, people? Which is better? :P

I even made this to make it seem dramatic. Hahaha. Take your time to decide :P

2009-12-01T23:24:00.001+08:00

I miss this... :')

♥

What do you think? ^o)

2009-12-01T01:16:00.003+08:00

Aww, don't you think this little fellow is cute? It's so adowableleleleleleleeee. Get me this, please?

Hehehehe. ♥

Tune me up

2009-11-28T02:17:00.003+08:00

Hits of the day:

Epiphany by Chrisette Michelle

Truly. Madly, Deeply by Cascada

Dan Sebenarnya by Yuna

Let me in by Zee Avi

Enjoy :)
Spend your weekend with these songs and your loved ones. Nothing could get anymore pefect ;)

Bored

2009-11-27T02:13:00.002+08:00

I thank my good friend, Syazwana Zulkifli for keeping me company tonight in msn. Thanks Syaz! Haha apakan. Random.

Tonight, I have to admit, it feels like such a lonely night. Been spending my time playing Happy Aquarium, Cafe World, Restaurant Life~~ Boo's asleep already. It's past 2 am. I'm crazy for still being awake at this hour.

I kinda miss going out. I feel like I have not stepped at Gadong for ages. My friends, hmm.. they're all gone. I guess they thought I didn't want to be bothered due to me in a relationship. I miss my friends. I miss everyone. Come back to me please. :(

I love my life, yes, but I need credit from friendship too. I forgot how it feels like being out. I orgot how it feels like being out with friends. I forgot everything.

So much for being friends :/

I miss being needed. Being a shoulder for my friends to cry on. I miss being talked to. I just feel. left out and all alone. I thank Boo for always be there for me.

I'm out of words now. Will update more soon. Goodnight :)

:(

2009-11-26T23:25:00.002+08:00

Boo, I'm really missin missin you~~~ Heh :/

Our love story♥

2009-11-26T00:38:00.004+08:00

Dear, sayang♥

I know you are asleep right now. Just felt like typing you something while you go for a short vacation to Lalaland. And get well soon. I love you always.

It's almost end of the week. Mama's gonna be home. I'm gonna miss you. I know we'll still be seeing each other, I just couldn't bare to spend a minute without you. If I were to recall, I'm always the weak one. I get easily hurt thinking of the past. I wasn't ready for love. Until I met you. It wasn't a date. I have to admit, it was quite funny.

It all began after I had a break up with an ex and went to Seria with a friend. I started adding people randomly on facbook without even looking at their pictures. I went back to Bandar on the 25th June. Spent my boring days going for tuition(escape) and just hang around with some random friends at the Mall. We've been inbox-ing on facebook nearly the entire week. I was kinda clueless.

Until this one particular day(28th June 2009), we were both on facebook and we have been constantly replying each other's messages. And coincidentally, we were both in Gadong. So, I started my move by asking if you'd like to meet up. And you agreed to meet up and asked for my cellphone number. I waited for your text message patiently until your text arrived. Unfortunately, at that time, I forgot to tell you that there's a virus on my phone which enabled me to reply your text message. So I gave you a call. Haha. Oh, what a start. During that time, Gadong was surrounded by a hectic crowd. There were people everywhere. You suggested to meet somewhere near incomm. As I climbed up the escalator to the floor you're on, there you are.. You nearly blew me away, but my mood changed after I saw a guy standing next to you. So my mood turned off a bit. Haha. I thought you said he was your boyfriend. But actually, he was just your bestfriend. How humiliating~~ Haha.

Since The Mall was so full of people, we both decided to hang out somewhere where there isn't too much people. From there, I knew, you're the type that doesn't like being out in public. We took a stop at Coffeebean. You offered to get me a drink, but I refused to accept(kononnya trying to win the first impression laaa~~) Haha. Jual mahal la sikit :P Then we sat. I felt a certain bonding between the both of us. I've never sat down at Coffeebean with a random girl I barely knew and talk with all day long. We talked about how we both got heartbrokened, stories about our past, current status etc. You even cracked me up with the story about your back *explicit content*. But I know one thing for sure. I couldn't stop gazing upon those beautiful eyes of yours.

We talked for so long we didn't realize that the day has gone dark and you had to go home. I offered a hand as a sign of how glad I was to have met you(Kan hug, tapi karang kena ucap over :P), but I changed my mind and scratched my head after you saidyou wanted to offer me a ride home (Buang kes). At first I refused, cause it was weird. We just met and then tarus send me home. You keep skipping to the next level spontaneously. Haha. You're so full of surprises That's why I love you. :')

While sending me home, we had a conversation in the car and I accidentally revealed my 'manja-ness'. I love watching you wear spectacles when you drive. Before you drove me off, you gave me two, wet juicy kisses on both sides of my cheeks. And I went all "GAGAGAGA" to the doorsteps. You even sent me a text message asking how should we contact each oter since I couldn't reply messages. Alolo, sian. I felt upset because it was at the end of the week. School should re-open the next day. Until.... we received the news that the schol holiday has been extended due to the critical swine flu outbreak. I was so jumpy! We ended up spending tonnes of time together every single day.

The next day, we met again. Oh, sayang, I am so crazy head over heels for you. I know you know(apakan). I love that you are so responsible, disciplined, trustworthy, loving, caring and fully mine :') It took us weeks to get to know each other. Until, 11th July 2009. Baby, you got me lost with words. You proposed me without me even expecting it :O You even gave me the ring you wore since highschool with your name engraved on it. (It doesn't fit my finger actually, so you got me a chain necklace and turned it into a necklace)

I love you, truly and without a doubt. I nearly doubted you.. I'm sorry. But I've managed to push aside my fears of getting hurt and forgot the past ever existed. I love you. And that's our magical love story.

Je t'adore, une copine. Tu es ma joie de vivre. Tu es magnifique, chérie. Tu es pour moi la plus belle. Toi et moi- Ça ne changera pas.

Together you and I, lets fulfill our dreams together. Paris, baby, PARIS♥

P/s. Je t'aime de tout mon cœur.

An idea of a heavy meal

2009-11-25T01:01:00.005+08:00

Crazily, I am craving for all of the food in the pctures below. I'm a sad and hungry bitch. Please feed me :( I've been on a strict diet. Boo's my health instructor now. I must stay in shape. I came from MID-grown to FULLY-grown :(

I want Chicken fettucini from Coffeezone and Picollo Fratinis. :(

I want Ceasar Salad from Capers.

I want Excapade Sushi!

And yes, the traditional ambuyat from Aminah Arif!

I love BIG MAC!

Who could ever resist nachos?

Mmm.. Mi favourite. Chocolate souffle with melted chocolate filling.

It would taste more like heaven with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, whipped cream and perhaps cherries? I love cherries! Frozen ones please. Dreamcones chocolate souffle'~~~~

And lastly, a perfectly ice blended honeydew shake with pearl! I'll love you if you get me all these! HEHEHEHEHEHEE :P

I think I should change my blog link to Amnanilovesfood.blogspot.com. What do you think? Do please leave comments on the Cbox. Hehe. Thank you ;)

♥

P/s. I'm loving you always, my beloved health instructor! :P

(You know who you are Kinkybutt♥)

Attention

2009-11-24T23:44:00.003+08:00

(Self animation. Didn't expect myself to look girly though. lol)

Phrase of the day:

" Some feelings are better left unfelt. "

Next project

2009-11-24T15:59:00.002+08:00

Let the pictures do the talking.

2009-11-24T15:55:00.000+08:00

I love this song

2009-11-24T14:27:00.003+08:00

Black Eyed Peas - Meet me halfway.

I can't go any further then this
I want you so badly, it's my biggest wish
I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
Every single day yes, i'm really missin' missin' you
And all those things we use to use to use to do
Hey girl, wuz up, it use to be just me and you
I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
Every single day, yes i'm really missin missin you
And all those things we use to use to use to do
Hey girl wuz up, wuz up, wuz up, wuz up

Meet me halfway, right at the boarderline
That's where i'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin out, night n'day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where i'll stay
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

Girl,i travel round the world and even sail the seven seas
Across the universe I go to other galexies
Just tell me where you want, just tell me where you wanna to meet
I navigate myself myself to take me where you be
Cause girl I want, i, i, I want you right now
I travel uptown (town) I travel downtown
I wanna to have you around (round) like every single day
I love you alway..ways

Can you meet me half way (I'll meet you halfway)
Right at the boarderline
That's where i'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin out, night n'day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where i'll stay
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

Let's walk the bridge, to the other side
Just you and I (just you and I)
I will fly, i'll fly the skies, for you and I (for you and I)
I will try, until I die, for you and i, for you and i, for for you and i,For for you and i, for for you and i, for you and i

Can you meet me half way (yup yup)
Can you meet me half way (yup yup)
Can you meet me half way (yup yup)
Can you meet me half way (yup yup)
Meet me half way, right at the boarderline
That's where i'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin out, night n'day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where i'll stay
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

Pop art ♥

2009-11-24T02:14:00.003+08:00

Been practsing to do Pop Art for my Boo cause the images below looks almost like her. Will make a few adjustments.
What do you think? :)

Rain rain rain

2009-11-24T01:21:00.004+08:00

It's currently 1:21 am. Its raining heavily and strong wind coming from the west. (Jadi weather forecast). Apakan. Hello. And yes, my eyes have not shut. I'm at my Boo's. Been here since Saturday. Just wanna spend time with Boo before mama comes home. I am currently playing Cafe World on facebook. Haha! My boo's already asleep beside me. Boo has to go to work tomorrow thats why tidur awal :) Anyway, Cafe World is my current obsession. *joke! Haha. I'm not really that very jobless. Just missed my lappy a lot. It died on April and revived this November. Yay.
Waaah, so many photos, chat logs, documents amd memories from the past. Me and my Boo deleted it yesterday. All of em.
My facebook is sooo outdated! Its because I don't approve random adds and I've set my profile to private so that noone can search me. My wall is soo empty. Dear beloved friends, do post something on my wall every now and then.
Nyeh, I miss me lovaaa eventhough she's right beside me. she went to Lalaland without me :( *pillow fight* apakan. hehe.
To all who have known me since middle school, yes its true. I have gained weight. I came from a 51 kg to a 64 kg. I'm sorry to disappoint you (macam ada peminat saja) haha! Orang bahagia, yatah. :P
Why ah I kenot sleep? Eyelids are feeling heavy already.

Been listening to Bitter heart by Zee Avi all day long. Damn, it never gets old. I fell in love with her by listening to her first song release titled "Kantoi".
I dedicate this song for those current single people out there. I am me once more by Zee Avi. Cari sendiri aaah? Malas kan buat html code for that song. haha.
My tummy is deeply in pain actually. Got stomach cramps and gastric. Been farting all day :P Kidding. Been farting half day saja. haha. I don't know why I'm so hyper today.
No air atu kali?(bukan lagu chris brown sama jordan sparks) Been indoors the whole day. Malas nak keluar.

I'm so excited for this Sunday. Me and Boo first laid eyes on each other on 28th June'09 (period of Swine flu). hehe. It's gonna be our 5th month of spending time together. Whee~ why? Because we meet each other every single day. We never missed a day without seeing each other. I just love the way Boo is.

I kinda miss home. Miss my brothers and my ngangah. :/ She nags a lot, but I love her.

After going through my past in my lappy, I have realized how stupidly selfish I was. So to those I've offended before, all I can say for now is that I am truly sorry. And I thank you all. If it were't for the past, I wouldn't be where I am standing now. (Lying down actually) Haha! Okay, what is up with me today? I haven't been taking anything seriously today. -_-" Sorry sorry. :)

I've recently watched Papadom btw (Random). For a Malaysian movie, I have to admit, I got a bit touched by it. Its about a father looking after his daughter after the loss of his wife. Overall it is a very extraordinary movie. I love it. After watching it, I shed into tears abit. I miss papa. Very much. Papa, nanti this daughter of yours will lawat your kubur, okay? Tunggu mama and abang and the whole family, okay? We love you always. Rest in peace, papa. (al-fatihah).

Ugh, my stomach is terribly hurting. Want my boo now tapi ia tidur :(

oh well, I'm speechless now anyways. Gonna continue playing Cafe World till I doze off. Will update more soon. :)
Anything, just send a nudge in msn :)

It's been agesssss!

2009-11-20T23:59:00.002+08:00

Hello, people! How've you been? Well, everyone knows I've been fine. Wow, I feel like a newbie in blogging. It's been months I have not blogged. I've just revived my laptop after months of being dead. Oh well, to those who concern, no, I am apparently not studying this year. Needed a break from the heat. Been having quite a loooong holiday. But no worries, I will further and continue my studies starting next year. Which will lead me to a busy year. Heheh.
Anyway, the reason I'm here, just needed to tribute a little something for my Dr. Kinky.
Baby, I love you, and I bet you know it so well. I guess you're asleep right now. Hey, it's past midnight already.

HAPPY 19th WEEKSARY, BABY! Me love you long time! And HAPPY ADVANCED 21st WEEK OF SPENDING TIME TOGETHER! I love you, truly and without a doubt.

Hee.. I miss mama. She's in Mekah performing Haj with abang.. :( Mama, come home soon. She'll be back on the 6th of Nov. Insyallah. It finally came to me. The fact that I'm not capable of doing much without mama around. Sometimes abang can be an ass, but hey, I really miss him a lot. I'm here left with my two younger brothers. Pity them. Its hard for them to go about and spend time outdoors cause they have noone to offer them transportation. Its an eyesore to see them play video games and watch tv all day long. I want them to do outdoor activities too. :/ Oh well, I'm in the midst of taking my driving liscense anyway. My first class is this Sunday. Kinda eager. Hee. Once I have succesfully earned my driving liscense, then I can take the boys out or send them off to play footie with their friends. Hmm.. Dear, Mama. We miss you. We pray that you will perform fine in Mekah with abang. Finally, your dreams came true of going there. And get well soon.

Thats all I have to post for now. Will update more soon!

2009-07-24T04:46:00.003+08:00

Love is the greatest feeling. Love is like a play. Love is what I feel for you each and every day. Love is like a smile. Love is like a song. Love is a great emotion that keeps us going on. I love you with my heart. I love you with my soul. I love the way I keep you loving like a love I can't control. So, remember when your eyes meet mine, I love you with all my heart. And I have any entire soul into you right from the very start.

Sorry if I sound so immensely jiwang at this point. My Dr. Kinky is a very romantic person so I got a little influenced (a lot actually).

Oh dear Dr. Kinky, I have never loved this much towards any of the lovers I've been in love with before and for some reason it's driving me crazy. With you, I don't care about the rest and I won't care if the past kept haunting me back to back cause what truly matters is you and I. Despite the fact that I've been excruciatingly hurt before, and at times, I still am, but after putting a few considerations over the matter, I begin to realize you don't deserve to see me hurt. I'm tired of being waiting like a rotten mannequin (--simile) for something to arrive to me. It's time I seek for the happiness I deserve other than going through a prison full of misery. I knew I had to break out and be free.

Oh baby, you have set me free and I feel so thankful to have you in my life. I just need you to complete what's left of me. You're the cane that supports me whenever I couldn't stand on my own.

You're enough of what I need, I wouldn't ask for more. Remember our first date, sayang. We couldn't stop looking into each other's eyes. And I couldn't control myself from wanting to touch you, but in the end, you touched me first. HAHA. :P

You complete me. You're the missing puzzle I've been seeking for.
And you're a perfect fit. Not too little and not too much.
My heart skips a beat for you like a broken CD. I don't need to get into an emergency room to check the rate of my heart beat. Cause I don't wanna waste a minute in the Emergency room. I'd rather spend all my time gazing upon those diamond sparkling eyes of yours.

DN♥
Te Quiero Con Toda Mi Alma, Mi Amor♥

:)

2009-04-14T20:25:00.005+08:00

iToday, I had netball with my team. It was awesome. I'm too lazy to explain in detail lah. So... yeah. Let the pictures do the talking. ;)

Say "Hello" to my pretty, long nails now.

Now say "Goodbye". :(

Yes, that's me, cutting my nails before the game. I feel so nail-less now. I can't even pick a penny :( Babai, kuku panjang. Hello, kuku pendek.

During Netball :

Suweeet eh si Rosemary atuu :D

Naqiyah Yusof and Nabilah Yakub Fans ;)

US ♥

The U-18

The U-15 (Banyak sangat jua eh team under 15 ani)

After netball:

Yes, that's Adek showing off her new shirt during our webcam session. I have a lot of those shirts at home and apparently they're still new. She wanted it, so, I gave one to her. Heheh.

So funny you know. She just clicked me tarus tarus and said "WEBCAMMMMMMMM" in msn. haha. I just finished taking my shower at that time. Hahaha. That explains the towel on my head. Hehe. So funny and random of adek. :P

So yeah, I think that's all for now. I'm tireddZzzZz. Will update more soon.

See ya. :)

PDS vs. PGGMB, Friendly match held at BIBD

2009-04-13T13:31:00.005+08:00

So yesterday, which was Sunday. Our school, PDS had a friendly match against PGGMB. It was awesome (Y). Like, very awesome. Hee. Here are a few group photos of us. We rock! (Y)

So yeah, I think that's it. Hee. Too lazy to blog much. Will be updating more soon. :)

Plurk-ing is awesomeee! (Y)

2009-04-12T12:29:00.004+08:00

Hey, I'm an active plurker. If you happen to have a Plurk account, just add me up.

Here's the URL to my Plurk Account.

http://plurk.com/Bimbo29/invite

But before that, say this with me.

"Plurk is waaay better than Twitter!"

Hahahaah. LOL :P

I plurk more than I blog. :)

A lovely Saturday♥

2009-04-05T12:09:00.006+08:00

Heya, peeps. So yeah. Yesterday I went out with my girls. Zye, Nabs and Piya. Not only that, with the boys as well. Tipsy, Nabel and Awie along with Shana. We even bumped into Mamad, Faris, Nazmi, Wan Fared, Azman, Izzat. And also, Belle, Sakinah and Ratna. Awesome (Y)

Piyawan Takamchai. Thailand's favourite singer ;)

EWWWW! HOLY TIPSY!!!! HAHAHAHA :P (p/s. Those aren't his real teeth. )

Zyeane and Naniane (Y)

Karas jua mua mu atu, wang! HAHAHA :P

Zye and Nabel (p/s. They're cousins!)

Oh, and I finally get to meet si monkeybutt, Maliey lastnight. We watched Fast and Furious 4. It was damn awesome! After the movies, we went for dinner at Fratinis. It was a pleasure to finally meet you in person. ;)

She's the best (Y)

Overall, I had an amazing day and night with them. I hope you enjoyed watchin the pictures. Till next time. See ya! :)

2009-04-01T00:42:00.004+08:00

It just gets me wondering. Why does every beginning, there has to be an ending? :/ I don't know I sound so cheesy at the moment, but I can't help it. I have to express it out. Each and every single time I get hurt, the more I hesitate to begin a relationship with someone. Because i have kept that sort of inner fear of getting hurt within me. It makes me curious why things has to always be that way. After all the times I've spent in lonesome, it gave me room, to think about the mistakes I've made from my carelessness in understanding. It kept me wondering for too long. Is it because we lack of commitment? Is it because we didn't bother to pay any mind to whats been going on around us? Or is it because we didn't take it seriously? That, I do not know. Thats why it has kept me wondering. You know that quote "prepare an umbrella before it rains." If you don't, try translating it to malay. Maybe from there, you might find the quote quite familiar. Hmm. From that quote, it made me realize that in a relationship, you have to be ready by being strong enough cause for sure you might get hurt. The umbrella will be the one that protects us, and the rain will be the one that hurts us. Not literally though. I'm just setting it as a metaphor because I couldn't think of a better way to explain it.

I learnt a little from someone by observing the mistakes she made. I'm not sure if it was a mistake though, cause I don't know what's ahead of her. She hasn't been dating properly because she hasn't fully gotten over her former lover. I asked her "Why are you doing this to yourself?"
"I don't know. I'd rather let him cheat on me rather than lose him.", she replied. I was in a state of shock. I thought my ears deceived me after listening to those words come straight out of her mouth.

It reminded me on how i used to be that way. But now that thought kept on questioning me. How did I become so, desperate. Well, to me, it does seem desperate. I admit, I was desperate though. So yeah, I studied through the matter, and I'm not really so sure of the answer. After spending an amount of time which you have adjusted for your lover other than doing your daily things, the love for your lover starts to manipulate you by telling you to spend more time with him/her and thats when lovers start to say they miss each other. The more they miss each other, the more we struggle to adjust more time for them in our lives because they couldn't stand without talking to each other, seeing each other and whatsoever. Once all those adjusted time has been going on for too long, we become helpless. When you have started to give your love to them in a whole amount, yes, things would still be alright. But once the love becomes less and less because you have given out all the love to your lover, they start to think the love becomes less. Its like this, two singers are performing on stage. The first singer scored the highest points, for sure the crowd will go wild. Then, the second singer came next. He has the second highest point. The crowd won't be as wild as they were after cheering for the first singer. Because it's the least that they asked for. You get me? What I'm trying to say is, when you give your love towards someone, try to balance it. Don't give too much or too little all in different days or time.

And this is the part where things start to get ugly. Once the partner/lover starts to think that you don't love them anymore because of their way of thinking your love for them is becoming less, they tend to become unsatisfied and unhappy. Of course we don't want to see our lovers unhappy, right? We start to grow concern and lose ourselves. Usually we start losing ourselves by negative thinking and all that. Because there are times where people struggle too much, things'll fall apart. Sometimes we just gotta keep it cool no matter how painful it is to see our lovers unhappy. When we see or feel that our lovers are unhappy, we tend to think that we haven't made the happy enough. Even when our lover is out spending time with his/her regular friends, jealousy starts to grow within us which isn't what we used to think of our lovers. We start to think that our lover prefers to be with other people rather than us. That's where all the negative thinking starts to arise. Just because we didn't get the attention we needed, we start to think of negative things.

Thats when both parties start to grow curious of one another. And curiosity can sometimes kill. The trust between the love no longer exists. And trust is one of the strongest element when it comes to love. And another common matter which frequently occurs are broken promises. There are times where we promise something to our lovers, but it never came true eventhough they kept hoping it'd come true, and once you lose your trust for them we start to grow impatient with hoping, we get very furious and start to make a humungous deal out of it. Hope is also one of the strongest element. There are more of the strongest elements when it comes to love. But i'm too lazy to type it all down. Haha.

Without the strongest elements in love, the love you built will shatter to the ground. ( not literally) Things begin to become messy. but its funny you know. Eventhough we are so very frustrated to our lovers for hurting us or disappointing us, we still want to love them and have them in our lives. We love them too much to let them go. I believe its from the habit from all the sparing space and time adjusting we made for them. We grow too used to having them around that you can't even be without them. Even if we try to live without them, we will still be the one running back looking for them. Because we miss their presence in our lives. They have once made our life whole with a better meaning. And being without them makes us pathetically miserable.

I'm not sure if my thoughts are true though, but I hope you will learn a little from what i've just typed down. I might probably continue this kind of topic someday, hopefully I will. But for now, I'm realy tired and my brain is not functioning properly. Hee. Till next time. Goodnight. :)

Bilaaay's special day

2009-03-26T22:45:00.008+08:00

So, today Zye, Nabil, Sakinah, Tipsy, Dayah and I spent our day at Kiulap for Nabs's special day. It was quite funny though cause it wasn't much of a surprise. We were actually gonna surprise her and all, but yeah, you know. We suck at it. Hahaha. The silly part was, we planned to have lunch at Capers but we forgot that Capers closes at 2:30pm, so we decided to form it at Au lait. It was quite alright though. We were all just shocked when we saw the bill. We spent $102 :O
Hahaha. I hope Nabs had fun though. :) And I hope I was nice enough towards her. HAHA. I miss Piya :/ Well, here are some pictures. The pictures tells it all. Enjoy~~

The birthday girl, Nabs (on the left) and si Frustrated, Zye (on the right)

Birthday girl ♥
Tipsy and Sakinah ;)

Nabel and Zye. (p/s. They're cousins. Don't get the wrong idea! hahah!)

Dayah (on the left), innocent cow (in the middle and also strangled by Dayah :P) and birthday girl (on the right)

Sakinah :)

Oh well, I'm off now. It's already late. Will update more soon. Goodnight :)

Happy Birthdaaaay, Bilaaaaaay!♥

2009-03-26T11:28:00.006+08:00

The pictures below shows a girl , I've known for not so very long. We've been close friends for more than a year. She is not just my classmate, but a friend who's always been there for me. She's the only person who has a voice clip of me being drunk. I was drunk, so, I drunk dialled her. She's quite mischievous, so, she recorded whatever I said when I drunk dialled her. HAHAH! Keep it to yourself man! Don't ever let anyone else listen to it! HAHAHA. I know I haven't been much of a good friend. But that does not mean I have forgotten all that we've been through together.
Billy, she's the best of the best. And YAY, you're finally 17. :) Isn't that cool! In one more year, you're no longer underaged! hahaha. I thank you so much, Nabs. I know we've been through a lot of ups and downs. We argue, we make up. Thats what we do to make us realize how much we actually cared for each other. We're very opinionated with everything, thats why we debate most of the time.Oh well, I don't blame you. Not everyone has the same beliefs. Everyone has different beliefs. Heheh. On top of that, you're not just some kind friend who doesn't give a shit about others. You are waaay amazing than that. I love you, i love you, i love you, Siti Nabilah binti Rosli. And forgive me for always being such a pain in the ass. Everytime I drink yakult, you're always the first person I could think of. Hahah! Oh dear Nabs, you're a wonderful, amazing and loyal friend. If it weren't for you, I'd still be a horrible person by now. But thankfully, all that has changed. I'm still trying to be nice every now and then, you know. Heheh. Nani doesn't wanna be a meanie forever. Haha. I can't wait to spend time with you on your special day at Capers. :)
I can't help it. Oh well, i'm just gonna greet you again! I LOVE YOU, SITI NABILAH BINTI ROSLI! AND HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYY! And looks like I have to be nice to you today. Hahaha :)

Billy, with short hair. Flawless (Y) (now)

Somehow, I really miss your long curly hairrr! :/ (before)

Billy and Piya (L)

Us :)

Them ♥

Enjoy your day and have a blast, Bestie. You'll never know what's ahead of you on your special day.

xoxo

p/s. you're the best. I remember the first time you caught me when i fell. (not literally! haha)You made me believe that everything'll be alright eventhough things were getting messy and out of hand. :)

You're a true friend. I don't know what I'll be without you.

2009-03-22T11:46:00.005+08:00

Its Sunday. Nothing exciting, just a simple ordinary day. But, I don't know. This week, I've been feeling so alive for... I don't know what reason. I'm really not sure. But I gotta figure out as soon as possible. Cause I need this undescribable feeling to stay.

So yeah, I made a new friend. And she's awesome. (Y) Here's a photo of her.

She's the one on the left.

"Psssst. Hi, Maliey" :)

We have not known each other long, but after spending hours of getting to know her, she's an interesting person. Overall, she's the definition of F-U-N! :D And Nani loves fun. Hee. She's so fun, I even call her Monkeybutt. :P Hehehee.

Anyway, I just realized today's a lovely day. I just looked outside of my window, and hmm.. I feel like going out, but I'm kinda training myself to stay at home most of the time. I mean, I can't always go out right? I need rest too. Maybe I'll just go out for a jog. Oh, I forgot to tell you. I've officially moved from Rimba to Bandar. :) And nowadays, I often jog at the nearest jogging site. Tasek Lama. :) If anyone needs company to jog with, I'm aways available. :)

Wow, I think I'm bored now. Here's a random image I found. I hope you'll like it. Hee

www.who'syourdaddy.com/spankmeharder.orgasm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

More will be updated soon. See ya. :)

Especially from you

2009-03-17T20:33:00.004+08:00

A someone in particular made me this, but I edited it a little. Umm.. I love you too.. but I'm still confused.. but yet, I'm still trying to fight that feeling.. And instead, it gave me this feeling..

Career's day

2009-03-17T13:04:00.004+08:00

Okay, this is weird. I had a wonderful day again today. Eventhough a few were shedding tears. Hmm.. But everyone managed to get back the smiles on the few people's faces. :)

We had a Career's day at school today. People from IGS, Vocacional school, Laksamana College of Business, Sekolah Perdagangan, Maktab Teknik etc came over and gave us references about how to become successful and all that. I was quite interested in two of those that came. I was interested in Laksamana College of Business and Sekolah Perdagangan. I do not know why I'm into business but somehow it's exciting. Especially with all the activities involved when you study there. Still having thoughts of it though. Plus, I still have a long way to go anyway. I have to get through my O Levels first before I finally get to decide where I want to go.

A lot has been going through my mind again. Hmm.. Something seems to keep on bothering me. And no, its not about the past. I'm talking about the present. Its about this particular person. She's more likely to be someone new in my life. I wish to understand her.. But I need more guide in this. Have you ever encountered that feeling where you've started falling for someone but you know you can't have that person and all you can do is to always be thee for that person? Its so.. stressful.. Cause I seriously don't know what to do.. :/ *sighs. I'm so clueless. All i can do is fight this feeling cause I know, good things will happen for those who wait.

2009-03-16T18:40:00.004+08:00

Amazingly, I had one of the most awethomest day today :) Not only that, today's Hazwan's Birthday. Dude, I may not know you too well, but hey, man. Happy Birthday!! Have a blast ;) You deserve it. Eventhough I didn't get a cupcake :(

Here's the Birthday Boy. ;) And again, Happy 16th Birthday. Qayyum's giving him a special SWEET Sixteen at SWENSEN. How SWEET is that? Like, literally SWEET (Y)

I seriously don't know what is it about today that makes me smile all day long, like, you know, everyone in the class was so cheerful and happy. Some were a bit pissed with the loss of Manchester, still. Eventhough the Liverpool fans kept rubbing it on our faces. -_-" Eeeestuupiid! Hahha. But we managed to ignore all that. I had fun during assembly. I stood at the back of the line because I didn't really like being infront. I was supposed to though I was one of the school's councellor. Back to the story. I stood at the bacl of the line with the year 11D boys. They were soo hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing. All of us laughed and stuff. Even during the National Anthem, The school song and also during the pledge. I think Teacher Putri saw our misbehaviour. Because she announced something which included these words "Those crowd at the back (Refers to us but we pretended to turn to the back again like as if there was someone else behind us. HAHAH!), I notice they were laughing and giggling since just now. Where is your respect for the National Anthem? This is an example of 'What monkey see, monkey do', and we carried on giggling till the end. After the assembly, we kept repeating what she said. "Monkey see, monkey do. Monkey belong in the zoo. ;)

During English period, we were so bored with Teacher Sonia's babblings. I do respect her a lot though, but at times, she gives us a lot of unnecessary facts needed until we get bored and fall asleep during her class. -__-"

So, me, Piya and Qayyum were joking around talking in class etc. I learnt a new word today. "Eteih(however you spell it)" It means "Ouch" in Thai. I know, it's not much of a word, but still. It's considerably new. I was like "Eteih eteih eteih all the way". Then Piya was like "Nan, don't say it like that!" Then I asked "Why not, Piya?". She answered by whispering to my ears and said "Because you made it sound like as if you were moaning! It's what they use though when the people in thai fuck. They use eteih a lot." And i was like "WHAAAT??!! :O HAHAHAHAAH"

And then Qayyum joined us in the middle of our conversation.. He was also wondering what Eteih is. So, we told him. And he was like "Whoaaa! " With that funny look on his face. HAHAHA. Oh well, wouldn't tell you the story in detail on that part, but what i can tell you is, Qayyum was so majal to hear Piya moan! hahahahahah. Then, we asked Arrifah to moan and say Eteih at the same time. She actually did it though. But it was a huge TURN OFF!!! hahahahahahhahahhahhahhahahhahah!

Oh well, thats it for today. Will update more later. Now I have to be ready for tuition eventhough its still early. Cause I promised the boys I'd buy them donuts at the mall first, then I'll be off to A-Plus. My second Alma Mater ;)

You, I miss

2009-03-13T23:57:00.007+08:00

This pretty girl below here is Nanee. And I miss her so badly.
:(

Eventhough time has passed by so quickly, that does not mean I have forgotten you entirely already. At times, I just thought you needed your time alone. I'm just doing it all as a favour for you. Because I don't wanna end up hurting you. :( You are one special lady. And having your presence in my life is way beyond meaningful. :)

Something meaningful

2009-03-13T00:16:00.003+08:00

Someone told me this. I find it sweet though. I wouldn't reveal who that particular person is, but all I know is, I'm feelin the love too. ;)

Hehehe. Sweet kan? I love you too. ;)
And I hope you know who you are. I know the image above doesn't look similar to the one you drew from our last conversation in msn, but just to let you know, I edited it. So yeah. I love you, manith. ;)

A few thoughts of mine for the day

2009-03-10T20:30:00.006+08:00

Me and My Random thoughts:

I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he's flying along, low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground. Now that's a documentary.

I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.

If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

As a young girl, when you get splashed by a mud puddle on the way to school, you wonder if you should go home and change, but be late for school, or go to school the way you are; dirty and soaking wet. Well, while she tried to decide, I would drive by and splashed her again.

If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him/her to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting the vulture.

Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?

If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you

Tie your shoes and change your pants!:

Fashion is not something I tend to concern myself with, ever. I just don’t care and can’t be bothered to exert the energy required to keep up with the latest trends. That doesn’t mean I don’t know when something looks ridiculous or doesn’t go well together.Take for example, guys who wore skinny jeans. What the heck is up with that?! Clearly they think they look good. But I feel bad for them. I really do. They make themselves look silly! It seems to me that this generation prefers skinny jeans the way the guys I grew up with seemed to prefer baggy jeans with the crotch at their knees. Which I also happen to think looks ridiculous.However, I have more to say about the boys in their skinny jeans. For cryin’ out loud - tie your shoes! The skin tight appearance of your jeans mixed with your untied shoes makes you look like you have clown feet!! Not attractive - at all. And yet, so hysterical that it almost makes me wish you’d all trip out of those untied shoes and land on your faces. Almost.I’m not dumb enough to believe that would change anything or magically tie your shoes. Cause apparently, I missed something. Tying your shoes isn’t cool. Wow, good thing I don’t care about fashion trends. But you know, maybe it’s not even a fashion “trend/statement”. Maybe it’s because you’re all too lazy to sit down and take 30 seconds out of your day to tie your shoes. It’s probably not even that either though. It could be the other thought I’m gonna leave alone solely because of how my mentioning it by name might be perceived. I pretty much despise sensorship but have too much respect for people whose eyes will read this to go there.The point of this isn’t to convince anyone to dress differently or anything. That’s not my forte. At all. I simply just needed to say something after seeing a teenage boy doing what I’m sure he thought was “rockin” the skinny jeans and untied shoes look at the movies and finding it amusingly absurd. And there you have it. A rant on guys’ “fashion” from somebody who (obviously) isn’t a dude and cares nothing about the subject of fashion in the first place. But I guess that’s not completely true since I just went off about it entirely for all the world (well close enough) to see.Before I wrap this up, I have to acknowledge there might be some girls who see this and think I wouldn’t know good looking if it bit me. And that’s fine, but that’s the beauty of opinions. Everybody is entitled to their own. Maybe they’ll even roll their eyes or crack a smile. Peace.

I've missed you so much :

Have you ever loved someone who broke your heart and you stayed with them anyway because you couldn't bear to part? Have you ever loved someone who is not always there to love you and tell you they care? Have you ever tried to move forward with wounds that won't heal and pretend things are fine when you feel so much pain? Have you ever tried to move forward with a longing to forget when your mind is telling you that you will regret?

"When I'm with you, my heart dissolves the pain eventhough my mind tells me this relationship is vain. And still, I can't bear to let you go because I love you so much from head to toe and inside out. I'm expressing these feelings with you today because I Love you so much."

I just needed you to know:

As the days tick by so slowly, my eyes tear up and I cry. My heart feels so heavy, I wish that I would die. I don't see the beauty in flowers nor even the sun when it shines. I am so lonesome without you and still, my love for you won't decline. Everyday I think of our days together and the wondrous times we shared. My heart is broken in pieces knowing those were the days you used to care.

I don't want to keep looking but still I can see. All the things you did to me. I wish I could wake up from this nightmare and all these things which are not as they seem to be. What you're doing to me I'll have to face. Because hiding my eyes still won't erase. I didn't want to leave. I really want you. If you only knew. I've been terribly unhappy. An idiot is what I've become. What you've done to me changed me. :'(

Even though we have separated our ways. And together wee don't spend our days, I still have a place in my heart for you. Because my love has always been sincere and true. If by any chance you want to come back to me, there's no need for you to plea, baby. My door is always open for you. I've missed you so much!

All in one weekend

2009-03-01T18:44:00.007+08:00

Lastnight, I slept over at Nuu's after a girls night outing at Gadong. The pictures tells it all.

The next day, we attended this Palestine Humanitarian Fund at Maktab Sains. It was awesome. The speech touched a lot of hearts and influenced so many people. Some even cried of how the Israel army treated the citizens of Palestine. Its so cruel and inhumane. It was nice enough that me and my friends came and contributed a little and showed how much we care for those suffering in Palestine. I was gonna cry, but, I didn't wanna ruin my eyeliner. ;) heee. So yeah. After attending the event, we went straight to My nest cafe as we were so bored. The pictures explains it all. ;)

Whats up, fellas?

2009-02-25T22:14:00.003+08:00

Hello, fellow earthlings. I know I haven't updated my blog in a while. Well, I'm about to, but I'm thinking about what to post. My life is still same old same old.
So, I don't really know what I should update. Right now I'm soo bored stiff and I'm kinda waiting for someone in particular to go online. But I think she's away or something cause she hasn't been replying my texts.
So basically, I'm in the midst of boredom. *sighs. About my life right about now, makes not much of a difference as it used to be. I wish there was something new going on. I went over to Menda's on a Monday afternoon. It was so last minute. As I arrived there, I was surprised to see Mimi. My god, I haven't seen her in a while. Ruby was there too. Sadly Nunu, Fee and Liey weren't around. Soo boring. :( We're like this female version of Power Rangers! hahaha
So anyway, I missed them soo much. We've been missing in action for soo long. Thats why we're planning to do a girls night outing this coming Saturday. Woohoo! Can't wait. I'm actually excited about it. Just me, Menda, Fee, Nuu, Liey and Mimi. I'm not sure if Ruby's coming though. You know lah. Orang sudah beboyfriend. Lupa tia kawan. hahahah!
Right now I'm listening to Halo by Beyonce. It's this really touching song which i love very much. Beyond verymuch. If only there was a better definition to what I'm saying. It's just a touching-ly beautiful song. Listening to it every morning lift my spirits up and I am now able to start my day without shedding a tear over my ex.
Cause I believe I'll find a better happiness with someone else someday. We'll never know. Good things will happen for those who wait. :)
I am waiting. Sincerely waiting for someone who can replace my sorrows with a heart full of happiness.
Oh well, I think I'm done typing all these down. I have other things to do. Will update more soon. :) Adios, amigos and chicas! xo's

A new me

2009-02-16T00:15:00.003+08:00

I finally decided to cut my hair. :) I didn't want to at first, but... I don't know. I was holding a pair of scissors in my hand and during that particular time, I was bored. So I said to my self, "Why not?" So there ya go. Oh! And ignore my neck please. It's not a lovebite. It's one of those skin allergies caused by ny pin tudong. :( What a spoiler right? Tssk. Oh well, that's all for now. Will update more soon Goodnight! :)

A life full of meanings which are meaningless

2009-02-15T04:02:00.005+08:00

There's something about today that makes everything feel so right and yet... so wrong. I do not understand this. What's missing? What's too much? :S
Have you ever encountered the feeling where you're facing a major difficulty that you don't know how to handle and you have noone to turn to but yourself?
I'm not sure that's what I'm feeling but somehow that's partially the resemblance of how I feel. If only I could exterminate this feeling away. Sometimes, I feel so alone and forlorn eventhough I'm already in a commited relationship. But I just have to get rid of that feeling away. I have to deny every single feeling in order to prevent myself from getting hurt and being the one to hurt others who doesn't deserve to be hurt.
I need time to adjust. But time isn't always there for me either. I've been so caught up with other things and left with no time to spare. All I have left is the past to learn from which is good enough for me to go through day by day. It's karma. I deserve this. If only there was a better punishment than this.
My mind often feels... unsettled. During times where I should be concentrating, I'll end up having my mind in another field of unpredictable wonders whereby I really should pull myself together because it's kind of a bother to others as well as it is to me.
It's late. My wrist is hurting from the badminton racket accident, my chest is in pain, my whole body is aching and my ankle accident. If I can make through all this physical pain which hurts me so much, why can't I easily make through emotional pain? There you go. Another set of wonders.
Everything just leaves me wondering without giving me any hints to think of. I'm so full of shit. What am I to do? Nothing but wait for the next one to arrive. I haven't been able to think well enough lately. It's so disturbing.
I've involved myself in a lot of unnecessary predicaments. Why can't I just stay away from trouble? Even I don't know why I keep on questioning myself. It can be such a bother at times. Some part of my day today filled my sunshine with gloom. :/
Why oh why can't I keep these problems to myself and still can go through a day being cheerful, happy and all. Why does it all make me feel so down? I came across random people and asked for their opinions. I asked them what they thought of me from the very first sight. And they said, " First impression, you look really stressed out. That's why I don't find you that friendly and approachable." "You need to lighten up and smile a little bit. Don't be so gloomy all the time." "How come you often look tired? It's like as if you've been restless."
I only reacted with a sigh after listening to their response. What is wrong with me? I'm unbelievable. Too unbelievable.
My life didn't used to be this way. And it's hurting me so badly because I'm an idiot who can't seem to figure out and understand herself. Lack of self-understanding leads to lack in other people's understanding as well, from what I've observed. When people asked me what's wrong, all I answered was "Nothing." But behind their backs, I said to myself "Everything." and kept it in mind.
You know, I start to realize. When it comes to doing good things, I become a pessimist. And when it comes to doing bad and inappropriate things, I become an optimist. Why is it the other way round? Why can't it be the way it should be? So that I am able to emphasize and think of the good parts of a situationrather than the bad part. I guess it's caused from my disbelief that good things will happen in the future.
I'm lack of everything. Including my vitality towards everything and everyone's trust which leaves me as the worthless piece of shit that noone wants to approach.
Each day, all I can do is ignore all that and go through everything without even having the intention to argue with it. It's a feeling I have to let go eventhough it kills me to let it stay.
I don't believe in miracles. Why bother? All's left is me and this fake smile of mine pretending that everything's alright when it really isn't.
Oh well, it's nearly 5 am. I'm off to bed. Will update more soon. Bye.

.........

2009-02-14T15:03:00.001+08:00

I've been so busy lately, so, I won't be blogging as much as I used to. :) Cheers. :)

No more lonely Valentine's Day

2009-02-11T18:48:00.005+08:00

Valentine's Day is coming soon. Have you found your match? I know I have. ;) Aheheheheee. Mmm.. What is it about today that makes me feel weird? I just couldn't remember. My eyes are swollen, and my mind is in another zone. Maybe to another mystical dimension, but it's killing me when I get other things in mind when I'm in the middle of doing something much more important. :( Gaaah! I blame myself for letting that happen. You know, I've started to realize that once I let new people enter my life, I change bit by bit due to the adjustments I have to make for their presence in my life. And with that, more people, more adjustments and more and more changes.
Have I not be kind enough to let these people in? But seriously, why do they want in? There's these type of people called "Friends for Benefits". I know what it means. But why? It sucks having people like those around. It's like I'm letting them around to ruin my life, spoil me, and distract me because they know distractions is one of my weaknesses. It bothers me. Why can't everyone just be nice to each other? I have heaps of reason after reason why I haven't been myself lately. But I can't seem to understand how and why I've changed into a horrible person. It's been really stressful and excruciatingly painful. Enough being a bother and mind yourself than minding others. I'm a mistake. A mistake that people will learn from. Once you're with me, you start to observe my mistakes and lastly, hate me, leave me and prevent yourself from making the mistakes I have made. I've been there many times. I have a group of bestfriends that I seldom meet because I love them too much to ruin their lives. I've ruined many already. But this time, let me protect them as I love them so much. I've done too many wrongs and I don't want to put it out on them cause they've always been there for me eventhough during random times. They're just so unpredictable. :')

Menda, Nu, Fee, Liey and Ruby. You're the best!

Syafie'e and Nu

Nu, Ruby, Fee and LieyRUBY! Imiss you! :/

Nu and Menda

Liey and Fee.

Racheal Bilson

2009-02-07T17:12:00.002+08:00

She's my idol. :)

Paradise

2009-02-07T13:25:00.003+08:00

I miss this. If only....... :/

Lesson Learnt

2009-02-06T22:56:00.004+08:00

I've not much to type down actually. I'm tired and extremely exhausted. I had one hell of a tiring day. So yeah, I went out with my friends last night around 9 and came home at 6:30 am. I didn't sleep satraightaway because I had netball and basketball training and a councellor/monitor meeting. Went home around 10:30 am. Rest for a few hours. Then around 2 pm, I went to the gym to work out with the help of my personal trainer. Went back home around 5 pm. Took a short nap for abot 45 minutes. After that, I showered and had myself ready for tuition at 7 pm sharp till 9:30 pm. Can you tell how tiring is that?
But it's alright actually. No matter how worn off I feel, at least I don't have to think. Like, you now at times when you're busy, all the other things in mind that's been bothering you, would go away? That's exactly what I'm doing. I don't want to think of other things. It's time for me to think ahead nowadays and stop being lazy!
Everything may be tiring for now, but one day, I know it'll all be worth it. :)
I'm a flower that needs soil, water and sunlight. Soil is where I stand. And it is also one of the things that helps me grow. Water and sunlight helps me to grow as well, but, there are also other functions to it. Water and sulight helps me balance myself. If there's no sunlight, there'll be too much water and I'll die. If there's no water, I'll dehydrate and die as well because of the heat of the sunlight. And if there's neither water nor sunlight, then I have no place to stand.
All I'm trying to say is, I need to find myself. To find out the things I'm worth doing. There are so many things to do out there, why not give it all a try? I'm currently interested in Artchitecture, Psychology and Engineering.
To fulfill my dreams, I have to earn it. Like I said before. Education is not something you can buy. It's something for you to learn and understand. That's why at times I get a little pissed off when peole can easily apply for studying overseas just because they can afford it. Especially to some rich people. Thats why it isn't fair to those people who couldn't afford sending their children to study overseas. I'm not trying to insult the rich people. But it's really unfair. Hardworking students work so hard to earn scholarships and those "lazy students who didn't put any effort to studying" with rich parents can just easily get themselves to study overseas. Seriously, I'm not trying to insult the rich people. I'm just saying that, you gotta appreciate what's out there for you. Don't just take things for granted. We can't turn back into time ya know. So we just have to take whatever chances we can get while we're still learning. Don't give up. If you fail, there's no harm trying again to work hard and never repeat the same mistakes again. It's like a part of living. We learn from our mistakes. :)
I'm off to bed now. I'm so sleepy and tired. I will update soon. Goodnight. :)

blablablablablaaaaa~

2009-02-03T21:19:00.002+08:00

This is me with new coloured hair.

And this is me and Adek looking tanned right after basketball training. :)

Bida waaah usul me! :P Hahahahha. Adek took this shot. Yehh! I don't like taking pictures!

Thats all for now. Adios, amigos! xoxo

jhzvciyciujieo

2009-02-03T19:24:00.003+08:00

Aaaaaah! Homagad, I'm so tired! I've been so busy lately. Can't even organise my schedule for rest. It's like, I have so much going on and it's really tiring! Seriously. But it's a good thing though, cause I can finally get some sleep after a long tiring day. Why? Because I barely sleep. So yeah. Not only that, it's also another way for me to not go out often anymore. I'm gonna miss my friends though. I hope they're all fine. I haven't seen them in a week or so? I don't know. But yeah. At least I've involved myself into something much better other than wasting my time going out. :)
This is a new start for me. I've finally opened my eyes and see whatever that has been going on around me that I've missed. I'm currently in the Maths society and the Athletics society. It feels amazing. This is really something new to me. Sadly, it took me too long to realize. I used to think that studying and doing sports are for losers, but then, it is really fun. Like, you have to balance between fun and responsibilities. And it feels good to have that around.
I'm around good people and.... eventhough it will take time for me to trust anyone, I know someday I will start trusting again. Cause I know I'm around descent people.
I went for a friendly basketball match against JIS this afternoon. It was... pretty okay. I didn't get into action much, but we all had fun. And, noone was badly injured. We got hit, pushed, tripped etc, but we had our fun and laughs.
I'm loving the new me. Like, I'm open for so many things nowadays. Like, usually, I'd be so sombong and think that its not for me and whatsoever. But hey, come to think of it, it's all not that bad. :)
I'm just having this amazing feeling and I want it to always be this way.
I'd put all my effort to not try to mess things up again. I'd swear to that. I like it like this and, I'm not gonna spoil it again this time. I've messed up too many times and I will not let that happen again.
Oh well, that's all for today. I'm kinda tired and I'm also kinda blaming Adek for always wanting me to be there for training and in the end, I'm the one who's getting more tanned. I've recently dyed my hair again though. But I'm too lazy to show it to ya. Next time lah. Shockingly, I look old with this new hair colour. :/ Yieeeeeh. I'll dye it in a darker colour soon. Bah, till next time. Bye, fellas. :) xoxo

Fridayzzzzz

2009-01-30T20:36:00.005+08:00

This morning, I came late for the netball tryouts. *sighs. I woke up late, that's why. How am I supposed to not wake up late? I came home at 5:30 am and I didn't sleep straightaway. I watched a dvd and slept around 6:15 am. And netball starts at 8! Ainako!, so from there, I knew I had to get some rest before the tryouts. I didn't sleep so well, I don't know why. I was tired but I couldn't fall asleep. Yieeeeh. :(

Instead of coming for the tryouts on time, I came an hour late. Haha. Oh well, at least I came anyway. You know what the netball team needs?! More players! And more talented players who are dedicated to the game!

Nyehh. I was so tired right after the tryouts. Like, I was completely and extremely exhausted, I couldn't even breathe properly. So, I went straight back home, ate a little cause I haven't eaten for 3 days. Took a shower and went straight to my big comfy bed. Mmmm.. I'm so blank now. Will update more soon. Till next time. See ya~~

iksegfgvgwufsugfru

2009-01-30T03:03:00.002+08:00

I don't know why, but, recently, I've been so into sports nowadays. It brought up the best in me. Seriously. It's a side I've never seen in me. Amazingly, it's so fun, I can't take enough of it. I've been doing a lot of street basketball with Daisy and her little brother and also badminton. Not only that, I've been so into netball and tennis as well. I've never felt so physically active. Somehow, I feel.... healthy. And free. Like, I have the capability to do whatsoever again.
I'm me again 3 years ago. Been avoiding alcohol and still trynna quit smoking. I've never felt so alive. It's so.. I don't know how to say it, but it makes me feel good. Like, oh god, it truly is undescribable. Nothing seems to bother my mind, my thoughts and whatsoever cause I know I have the capability to do whatever. (Y)
It feels amazing. I'm back in the normal life again. If you think its not, then, it's not your way of living normal. I have my type of normal, and you have yours. Got that? And if you don't like it, who am I to make you like it? So yeah. Anyway, since I've involved myself in a life I never thought I'd live in, I've just been so rational. Like, I go with the flow. You earn some, you lose some. Get me? That's just my way of living right now. I'm not that desperate. So, go figure.
I'm also still struggling in making progress with my studies. Hopefully, I'll do well in my O levels. Going out a lot doesn't make me an idiot. I still have concerns for my education. There's no harm in trying. So yeah. :)
Dividing my time over something I love doing and also over something I have to do isn't an issue to me. I'm as cool as icezzzz.
I think I'm done for now. I'll update some more soon. Laterzz. xoxo

Thursday Night Outing

2009-01-30T01:17:00.007+08:00

I'm currently at Gadong with a few of my friends. Didn't plan to go out actually. It was kinda last minute. I know right. Hmm.. I'm out, it's late and I'm supposed to be asleep by now because I have an early morning netball tryout. Being at home is boring! So, going out cools me off. Here are some pictures.

So yeah, I gotta bounce now. Will update some more soon. :) xoxo

I know that I love you

2009-01-26T20:00:00.006+08:00

I'm currently listening to Broken-hearted Girl by Beyonce. Oh my god, its just... I don't know. The lyrics are very meaningful. I couldn't stop listening to it. Its my blog's background music for now. It totally expressed what I'm feeling right now. :')

Here are the lyrics:

Beyonce - Broken-hearted Girl

You’re everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could’ve been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that?

You’re the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I’d love to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you’re the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you

It pains me to say
I know I’ll be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part

I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl…No...No
No broken-hearted girl
I’m no broken-hearted girl

Something that I feel I need to say
But up to now I’ve always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I want to put this out
You say you’ve got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me
And still you’re in my heart
But you’re the only one and yes
There are times when I hate you
But I don’t complain
Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away
Oh but now I don’t hate you
I’m happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No…No
No broken-hearted girl

Now I’m at a place I thought I’d never be…Oooo
I’m living in a world that’s all about you and me…yeah
Ain't gotta be afraid my broken heart is free
To spread my wings and fly away
Away with you yeah yeah yeah, ohh ohh ohh

I don’t wanna be without my baby
I don’t wanna a broken heart
Don’t want to take a breath with out my baby
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way..No..No
I don’t want a broken heart
I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl..No..No..
No broken-hearted girl
Broken-hearted girl
No…no…
No broken-hearted girl
No broken-hearted girl

I hope you're happy when I'm not.

2009-01-24T14:12:00.001+08:00

I just felt like uploading this picture. Nyehs.

I miss you so much

2009-01-24T13:42:00.003+08:00

I don't know why, but I miss you. And I'm not supposed to. :'/ Stop me! Please.

p/s. Yeah I know the photo is bida. So what?! Peace.

Stop callin' me Amberzzzzz!

2009-01-21T18:16:00.003+08:00

I'm currently at home, on my bed, typing down some things here. Mm.. I'm kind of blank actually. And I'm kind of tired after the basketball training. So yeah, since I'm so tired and at the same time jobless, I'll just type down whatever happened to me at school this morning.
This morning, I woke up around 4:30 am. Surprisingly, I never wake up that early before. Oh well, at least that's something new to me. Yay me. Then I arrived at school around 7:10 am. Suddenly, I saw everyone here and there like everywhere. Its supposed to be normal, actually. But it just seems different. Like as if something just happened and everyone is gathering around places talking about it. I ignored all that and went straight to class. As I stepped in, I couldn't help but notice that one of the sliding windows were missing. Then a classmate of mine approached me and told me that there was a strong wind last night. And I like, "What? There was?" And she was like, "Yeah." I was so blurr, I had no clue what she was talking about. Then it all came over me. I just remembered that I slept early right after I took a shower last evening. I participated for this basketball tournament yesterday. So yeah. I didn't get to play for the entire game because I wasn't in a good condition. So anyway, back to the story. Teacher Rajesh entered the class moments after that. Our first period was POA. Oh god! I'mk getting tired of POA. It always makes me sleepy eventhough I had a good sleep last night. Sheesh. He can never keep me awake when he teaches, you know that. If only he'd increase his sense of humour level. He's just too boring to teach. Then, the next period we had was Bahasa Melayu. But then, Teacher Rokiah didn't show up. Must've been because of the flood? I don't know. So yeah. There was no teacher for two whole periods. We were like fooling around all over the class like a bunch of hooligans. Once the Bahasa Melayu period was over, we had our elective classes. We were all seperated during elective classes. Depends on what subjects the students are taking. Since me and my friends chose Art, we were all stuck together. After a period of Art, we had our break. But I just stayed in the classroom with my girls. Didn't feel like going out much. I just went out for a short walk. Until I saw Adek. Hahah. I just love to tease her so much! So yeah. Right after break, we continued our Art lessons. Not only that, we just had our art work displayed on the school's bulletin board! Yayy! How cool is that? Right after Art, there was also another elective class. Since it's the second elective, I call it Elective 2 class. It was time for my Additional Maths Class. Sadly, me and my girls had to be separated due to the different subjects they are taking. So yeah. I'm always alone during AMaths class. How sad is that? :( Minutes after I entered the class, Teacher Koh insisted I sit infront next to Umi since there's an empty seat next to her. So, I did. Even when I finally get to sit infront, I still have no clue what Teacher Koh was teaching. Its not that he's bad at teaching. He's actually very good in teaching. I was the only one lacking of understanding. Tssk. I know. I'm such a lousy student. Then Umi asked me whether I'm coming for basketball training this afternoon. At first, I wasn't sure if I could make it because it was so last minute. So in the end, I made it anyway. I came aroound 1:30 pm. Chill around Mamih and smoked some cigarettes at the stairs. Went back to school around 2 pm. Sat all by myself at the bench. Chillzz with Adek since she was the one who arrived first. Had fun with the girls. And also the boys too. Adek is so big, I can't even steal the ball from her when she dribbles. Its like having a dwarf trying to reach for food from an enormous giant but couldn't reach it. Hahah! (Adek, if you're reading this, I'm sorry! Hahahahah! You know I love you. ;P) Oh well, overall I had a fun and tiring day. Seriously. If only you knew. Hahah. Nowadays, The three Umi Zairis' keeps calling me Amber. Its really irritatingly annoying. -_-" Oh well, I just went with the flow. I'm tiredzzz like crazyy right now. I think I might go to bed early tonight. I'll update soonz. Right now, Naomi needs some shut eye. Until next time, readerzzzzz. ;)

Monday; A boring day

2009-01-19T23:23:00.002+08:00

I had the most boring day evaaaaah! Like, urghhh! But then, come to think of it, I kinda did had a few laughs with my girls. Billay blew me away with her new makeover. She looks fierce like GRRRR, baby! Hahahhah. I wore the jaket Homie bought for me to school todayyy~~. It feels awesome having it on. So warm and cosyyy. I love it.
During the afternoon, I was bored, I didn't know what to do, do I studied myself to sleep. Woke up around 6. Had dinner early, continued studying again,and then hours after that I received a text message from a friend of mine saying that she's been trynna call me but she couldn't reach me. Hahah. Yes, Umi K. I'm talking about you. Oh well, I don't blame ya for being bored. When I first answered her phonecall, she was like "Hmm hmm hmmm hmmm... Hello? Hi! What are you doing? ~~" Hahahah. So, from that, I can tell that she was really bored. I even spoke to Adek for a while. She was like " Omg, I can't believe you're on the phone with my sister." So, in the end, me and Adek talked about this basketball tournament thing tomorrow. So yeah. But what cracks me up is the way Umi K said " Omg! Karang kamah my kain~~~" Hahahha. Shit, I should've recorded it when she said that. Hahah. It was so... bimbo-like. Hahah. Thats the best way I could think of describing it.
It feels great having friends like Umi. Like, she can turn my frown upside down. Although she is a weeee bit..... bimbo-like. Hahahha! No offense! ;)
Told ya you're awesome!
Aaah. Right now, I'm studying. But I don't know. Something's still bothering me. Oh well, I'm trying not to let that overwhelm me. So, I'm off to play pet society. Will update soonzzz. ;)

Today

2009-01-18T23:05:00.003+08:00

Hi, I'm Naomi. 2009 version of Nani. Just to keep ya informed.
I'm bored. Umi K's asleep. I'm bored. Zats is probably still watching some videos. I'm bored. Kiki's upset. I'm bored. I hope Fatin's at home already. I'm bored. I miss Homie. I'm bored. Homie bought me a red coloured sweater. I'm bored. Faiz is so annoying. I'm bored. Rizal is so hilariously hyper. I'm bored. Azmi, stop bothering me. I'm bored. You're sexy. I'm bored. Mama keeps pressuring me. I'm bored. I miss Dad. (May he rest in peace) I'm bored. I miss you. I'm bored. I'm happy for you. I'm bored. And I'll always love you. The End.

Racheal Starr - Crash

2009-01-16T20:51:00.004+08:00

Crash - Rachael Starr

I'm currently listening to Crash by Racheal Starr. It's a double thumbs up! I love it so much. It's a ten out of ten. I hope you will enjoy it. Song's displayed above and lyrics are displayed below.

Racheal Starr - Crash Lyrics

Running around, nowhere to go
You gave me life and gave it meaning
Running around, nowhere to go
Somehow I think you know

Lost in a world you brought me into
Can I live after you
You gave me life and gave it meaning
Is this the way it goes

Can't stop thinking of the day you left
There wasn't even time to catch my breath
How can us be, you're gone from me
The last thing I wanted was for you to leave

Now that you're gone I must move on
Your dreams are my reality
I gotta go, get away
It's time for me to...

Run away now, run away now
Run away, run away
Run away now, run away now
Run away, run away

I feel you somewhere deep inside of me
You've always gained my strength
Running around, nowhere to go
Somehow I think you know

Can't stop thinking of the day you left
There wasn't even time to catch my breath
How can us be, you're gone from me
The last thing I wanted was for you to leave

Now that you're gone I must move on
Your dreams are my reality

I gotta go, get away
It's time for me to...
Running around nowhere to go... (5X)

Run away now, run away now
Run away, run away
Run away now, run away now
Run away, run away

Lost in a world you brought me into
I feel you somewhere deep inside of me
Running around nowhere to go...(3X)
Run away now, run away now

Run away, run away
Run away now, run away now
Run away, run away
Running around nowhere to go... (7X)

Random Thoughts

2009-01-15T23:41:00.004+08:00

I had a conversation with a friend earlier. I prefer it better not to mention his/her name here, I'll just identify him/her as Bugsy(couldn't think of a better name). Anyway, we were talking about a few things of how people look up to each other. Not only that, there are a lot more actually. But I'ma start one by one.
First of all, let me ask you. What would you do when you found out something you never knew about yourself? Would it change the person you are? Would you ignore it? Do you think it wouldn't matter? We'll never know.
Now lets move on to the other. I'm a girl with a high interest and fascination towards people. I have my ways of using my mind. I look up to most people. Mostly, good citizens. You know, the ones with clean records, talented skills, educated, loved by many etc. But, what if, one day, you found out the bad side of them? Like, you found out their deepest darkest secret. Would you still look up to them? Would you treat thm differently? Would you be disappointed in that person? What do you think is best to do?
From what I've commonly noticed, people would rather see things of whats good on the outside and they prefer not to know how bad they are on the inside to continuously respect the people they look up to. And that is not a very good behaviour as well.
To me, its more like, you don't like them the way they are. You just want them to be the way you want them to be which isn't right. Don't you think that's just plain selfish? These people are human beings wiith minds of their own. So, we have no right to interfere in whatever they're going through. They're delicate and precious just the way they are and how comfortable they are around people. Actually, I'm not quite sure of what I'm talking about here. I'm trying to make a point, but, I'm not so sure what the point is. But all I can say is... Bugsy, I love you the way you are. And no matter how bad things are or things might get, I'll always look up to you. Not just as a human being, but as a loyal friend. I know we haven't known long, but I'm all about loyalty. I give you all my respect.
Anyway, enough about that. Lets move on to another topic. This week, I did a sketch of three objects and improved in my shading skills. unfortunately, that work of mine is with my art teacher, Teacher Lowie. If it was in my hands right now, I would kindly show it to you by taking a picture of it and uploading it here.
Recently, I have been so interested in doing art. Its just so fascinating. Eversince we have Teacher Lowie as our new Art teacher. He makes Art much more meaningful than it should be. And he's fun to be around with. Last year, Art felt so dead to me when we had our previous Art teacher. I'd rather not mention the name here. I wouldn't want to spoil his/her reputation as an experienced Art teacher.
I've been so depressed lately, like, some parts of my life is missing. Hmm.. I'd like to talk about it. But not now. I'm supposed to be in bwd by now. So yeah. Cause I have basketball training tomorrow morning at 7:30am. Ainako! I have to wake up early on a Friday. Oh well, Cherrio. More will be updated soon. Goodnight! :)

Excruciatingly in pain.

2009-01-13T21:15:00.004+08:00

I'm hurt again. I wouldn't mention the reason why. It's confidential, I guess. Don't say you love me if you think you can't handle it.. I'm not forcing you to love me. If you can't, just say you can't. Don't waste your time and don't waste mine. I just want you gone right now. And don't ever show up in my life again!

Monday; a special day.

2009-01-12T21:58:00.004+08:00

Right now, I'm in bed. Kinda missin' that someone right now. hmm, overall I had a wonderful day today. Except for the part where I nearly fell asleep during Commerce class. Oh come on!, 5 periods of POA and commerce of the same teacher is damn tiring! POA came in first, so, I scored full marks! Yay me. Commerce was last period, and, I was so tired at that time. Nyehh. I barely answered any of the questions cause my brain was functioning so slowly. But things got better when I saw Ass around school. My heart melted almost completely. Grr.. Hmm.. So yeah, I chatted with Umi K earlier. hahaha. We had a funny webcam session. She really cracks me up. Here's a picture of us.

Hahahahah. It was so hilarious. Like, first, it was that, then all of a sudden she's in UK, then in an aeroplane, then just that.
Facts about Umi K:
She's awesomely amazing. We've just known each other for days and we treat each other like as if we've known each other for ages. That just shows how friendly she is. She likes to be out with friends for fun and laughs. Isn't that cute? She's all that when it comes to having fun. She makes an awesome friend. :) I'm lucky to have a kawan like her. Umi K, if you're reading this, I DEMICIATE having a friend like you. Hahahahha. :P

2009-01-08T14:02:00.003+08:00

I'm about to describe the type of person I was last year. Mmm.. I'm just gonna copy paste it through an old friendster account of mine. :)

"Here's a self-introduction. I'm mostly known as Nani. The girl noone has actually had the guts to approach to. Silly human beings. Just because I don't give out a smile very often, doesn't mean I'll bite you. I would probably rip your head off if you have the urge to ruin my life. I'm 16 going on 17. I'm no longer a girl. I'm a woman. And please don't sing Britney's "i'm not a girl" song whenever i say that. I find it very annoying. As you can see, my life is made up of endless predicaments that gives me major headaches everytime I wake up in the morning. It goes on daily and, ugh, i hate it. My aim is to be the best. Don't you ever wonder how your life is going to be after two decades? Doesn't life just scare you? Especially when things don't often go as planned. I'm very random,abrusive,environmental,straightforward,supportive,slightly vulnerable,enthusiastic,compassionate and attentive. All in one. Some might say I'm downrighted as I am not all that friendly to everyone. Just to some certain people. When I tell you I don't like you, I really really mean it. I love my circle of friends. I can get quite altruistic when it comes to being on their side. I'll support them even if they didn't ask me to. I can be inconsiderate at times. I can't say that I'm good in making decisions. But atleast I have the ability to decide which is wrong and which is right. I might sometimes use strong acrimonious words when I'm angry. I alienate myself away from my friends when I'm not in the right mood. Thats why sometimes, I prefer to be alone and isolated. But then, at times, i do take actions abruptly when someone tries to pick a fight with me. I have anger management issues. Take this as a precaution. Don't ever infuriate me. But I can still manage to control my raging temper. I try not to look back into the past nostalgically. It just gives me an immense heartache. You can say I'm a stalker. Haha. But I stalk some certain people only. I love shakespeare. They're all so tragically overwhelming. If you want to be my friend, make sure you're not treacherous. I hate traitors. So, from this introduction of mine, atleast you received some acquisitons based on my character. No worries, I don't bite people. But I do hate friggin perverts and friends who just pretend they're friends when they're actually some suck up mofo pricks! I'll shove a dick in your mouth if you make up any inconceivable rumours about me. And another thing, pLz d0N't tYpE lYk tHiZzZz! I find it highly inappropriate. Treat me prominently, and I will treat you the same way too. Get it? It's vice versa. So have a nice day. More will be updated soon once requested. Help save the environment please."

Do you see the difference between the person I am now with the person I was a year ago? Hmm.. At times, I miss being my old self. I was tough. And now, look at me. I'm a weakling. Can't even face a single predicament without bursting into tears feeling confused. How sad and pathetic is that? Tsssk.
My mind is so messed up right now. I'm a pile of mess. And I'm too hurt to fix myself up. :'( F, if only you know how badly I want you right now. :'(

Expressions

2009-01-07T22:49:00.002+08:00

I couldn't think of something better to blog about, so, I decided to blog about how I feel. Mm.. Right now, I'm so confused. I'm in love with two people. F and U. They're both bestfriends. I liked F first, but, it didn't work out cause F was into B. I gave up on F and went along with U. U's alright. But, very unpredictable. U and I(as in me) got together almost immediately. It felt weird for some reason. Mmm.. Then, days after that, I just found out U has a boyfriend. I gave up on F because she's into B, and once I went along with U, U already has a boyfriend before we were even together. I felt so.... betrayed. Like, what am I to them? I've never gotten myself into this kind of situation before. My feelings are so messed up right now. I don't even know what to do. I'm so... blank. Like, what more do I have to do? I'm sick of running away. At this very one time, I want to solve things without getting to have a quick retreat. I'm tired of depending on easy way outs'.
What am I to do? Where am I to go? Who am I to refer to in need of comfort? Fuck all this. I'm tired.. :( Everything's so messed up.

Interestingly wonderful day :D

2009-01-05T23:48:00.004+08:00

I had the most interesting day ever yesterday. I felt like blogging it up since I'm so excited to talk about it. :)
I was still at my friend's place. We just stayed at his place and watched some DVD. We watched Pulau Hantu and Pulau Hantu 2. It wasn't all that scary though. Especially when I was in Homie's arms. Mmm... I miss my Homie. Heheh. So yeah, after that, I was to be sent home by Fad. And go over to his girlfriend's house after that because his girlfriend wants to meet her mother. So, we took off. At first we stopped by at Kianggeh to eat. The soto is nice there. Siasiapun! After enjoying our meal, we sat for a while and smoked some cigarettes.
Suddenly, I received a text message from Piya saying that she will not be attending school on the First day of school. Nyeh. She also told me that the rest of my friends won't be attending school as well. So I gave it a deep thought and decided not to attend school as well. I'll just go to school aon the second day. And not only that, I get to spend more time with my Homie! Wheeeeeee. Hehe. (A)
And then, I just found out that Fad's girlfriend lives somewhere in Kg. Ayer, so we took a boatride. It was so fun. I've never been on a boatride before. It felt awesome. It was slso my first time going to Kg. Ayer. Like, I was so excited. Fad, Halus(Fad's Girlfriend), Laila(Halus's sister), Hafiz, Homie and I walked over to Halus's place as we got off the boat. I find the place quite fascinating. Especially their lifestyles. Mostly based on how they live their lives. We stayed at Halus's place for an hour or so. I finally had a private conversation with Homie. :) Telling her about my life and so on. She told me about her's as well.
Once Halus was done meeting her mother, we all left around 3:30am. But, to leave, we all had to wait for a boat. It's not like as if we'd swimm across. Pfft. That's crazy talk. Hahah. So we waited at the waiting shed. We saw some men fishing. We also saw all sort of fish they caught. We even get to see an "Ikan buntal" live in action. Hahah. Halus played with it and kicked it off the shore and back into the water. It was so funny. It took so long to get a boatride. Grrr! We waited for nearly an hour until we finally got a ride back on shore.
After we were all sent off, we walked back to the car. Row by row. Fad holding hands with Halus, Me holding hands with Homie and Hafiz just walking next to Laila. Hahah. Didn't mean to make them feel weird. :P
Moments after that, we were actually on our way back, until Fad received a call from a friend of his. I think it was his colleague. Cause Fad went straight to his office after that. We had to come along anyway, so yeah. I was playing my laptop at the back passenger seat with Homie. I showed her my pictures from back then. Gaaaaah! I was such a loser at that time. It was so embarassing. Hhaha. We stayed in the car while Hafiz and Fad took off to his office. We stayed there for a while. Almost like half an hour.
Finally, after Fad's done with his work, we all went back to Fad's place since we're all staying there for the night. Hee.. I love Homie! :D
I think that's all for today. I'm kind of tired. Actually, I'm exhausted! I'm finally at home after spending three wonderful days with Homie. :)
I miss Homie now :( Hmm... Oh well, I'm off to bed. Homie just sent me a text message telling me to go to sleep early cause I have to wake up early and go to school. Nyeh. Oh well, goodnight readers! Will update soon. Till next time............... *dum dum dum! :P

Sunday ; The last day of 3rd Term School Holidays (Saturday included)

2009-01-04T17:15:00.003+08:00

Right about now, I'm at a friend of a friend's house. I decided to spend my last day with that someone special. Homie :) Can't reveal the real name, though. Hahah. It's Sunday. 4th of December. I bet Syazz is back from KL already. I've missed her. :) Mmm.. I'm so clueless. Haven't heard from her in a while.
Last night, I had the most terrible night ever. I went out with Homie, F, A and W. We got drunk. Hahah. I got drunk earlier cause I drank a lot before they did. So yeah.
We hung out at gadong for a bit, and decided to join some friends "Mengayau Gambus". Gambus are quite lame actually. I don't know what made me want to joian them. Maybe it's because Homie was with me. Hehehe (A) It was somewhere around Madang. At first I didn't want to go in. I wanted to just stay in the car but lastly, I got bored. So, I decided to join along. I sat further away from where the people were dancing. Gambus is not really something I'm interested in. And in the end, I got bored there as well. So, W and I decided to go back in the car and just stayed there. I know. I'm a really boring person. We sat at the back of the car, passenger seats I mean. We talked and talked and talked. I cried a little after remembering my Late Dad. May he rest in peace. Then, all of a sudden, W went out of the car. I think he punched somebody. When I looked outside, I saw people all over the place holding steels, metal pipes etc. I asked F, "What's going on?!!" From the looks of her, she looked really panicked. I can tell from the looks of the what was going on around the area that there's was a fight. Mmm.. I didn't know what to do. W and A must've ran off. Cause I can't seem to find them anywhere. F and I were the ones left in that area. How sad is that? But it's quite funny. A just left me, F and his car just to save himself. I don't hate him for that, though. he was only trying to save himself. But F and I were totally clueless. We didn't know what to do and where to go since we both don't know how to drive. I would just drove off. But that car doesn't belong to me. So, I was as terrified as F but I tried to control my fears. If we were both freaking out at the same time, for sure both of us will go down. So, I tried to calm her down. Hmm.. I felt pity for her. I know those people who attacked our friends wouldn't dare to hurt us. It nearly happened to F, though. But thank god there was a man in red who saved her from being hurt by those men. Overall, things were so fucked up last night. We were all thankful we're alright. The man in red brought us to the stadium cause our friend was about to pick us up there. On the way there, there were cars following us from behind. At first we thought it was those men who attacked our friends. But actually, it was the man in red's friends. As we arrived at the stadium, we stayed and talked and went along with the flow. :) They're nice people actually. If it weren't for them, F and I would end up in the hospital. How ironic is that?
Moments after that, I felt like I needed to pee. I wanted to hold it in, GRR! Who would manage to hold in their urine on a wet rainy day? I'd salute that person who'd manage to hold it in while it was raining heavily. So, F and I went to Orchid Garden hotel to use the girls' room. After what's done that has to be done, I told F that I would never let anything bad to happen to her. So, I leaned down and gave her a big hug. I couldn't think of a better way to convince her that everything's gonna be alright. So yeah, I came up with that. But I actually meant it.
Mm.. I'm not gonna tell the whole story in detail. It's quite confidential actually. So yeah. Overall, we're okay. We're all safe. We stayed at a friend's place for the night. Just me, Homie, F and P.
It's almost dinner time. I gotta go. I'll update soon. Heheh. Till next time :)

As requested :)

2009-01-03T12:57:00.003+08:00

I haven't blogged in a while. I've been quite busy with outings until blogging never came across my mind. Isn't it amazing how things or different types of activities are able to distract us? Hmm.. Oh well, I'm blogging because a close relative of mine requested me to start blogging again. I don't now why, but she likes reading my posts. I see nothing interesting about my blog, so yeah. I'll always be your weirdest cousin, Syu. :)
Anyway, the school holidays must've taken me over. I've been in and out, here and there all over places trynna to locate some fun, but sadly, I'm still searching. Searching for the places for teenagers by my age to learn and have fun a the same time. There are so many to learn in all places. Most likely to be everywhere actually. I've never met anyone who takes outings as an advantage for learning. It's all based on the experiences we are meant to gain. I love to go out and do whatever. Even if something bad happens to me, all I can do is smile. Cause that's what
I'm aiming for. Learning from mistakes is pretty effective. So that you're well aware of things that has happened to you during that particular time. Yes, you can say I let things happen to me. I don't really care how bad it is, as long as I get to learn how to prevent it from happening again. All based on the decisions we made, the steps we take, the words we say etc.
At times, I am so mad at myself. I have this inner anger that I find it very difficult to let go. I've been so frustrated over all the things that has happened to me. Mostly, horrible things. So yeah. I'm just mad at myself for all that has happened to me. I'm not saying I purposely made my life complicated or so, but I'm just confused with all that has happened to me. Like, sometimes I even question myself, why am I doing this to myself? Have I completely lost my mind? Do I need a reality check? I'm just so curious. What is it about me that's making me do all these things? Some say it's the devil in me that's making me and convincing me to do all these things. Yes, I admit. I'm an alcoholic. A heavy drinker. There's been a lot going on, I couldn't handle it. So, I gave up and went straight to alcohol. I want to forget, but I couldn't think of a better way. :/
I wouldn't kill myself, thats for sure. Hurt myself? Maybe a little bit. Heheh. But I wouldn't hurt myself too much, that's for sure.
So anyway, right now, I'm at Chill. Waiting for Tuti. I invited her to watch movies with me. Haven't thought of what to watch, but yeah. I'm starving to death! I feel weak on my chest. :( I'm thinking of what to order. Mmm..... For sure I want something appetizing. But I'm not so sure what to order.

(after a few minutes)

I've finally decided to order myself a coconut shake and baked mac and cheese. Mmm... Yum yum. :) I have the appetite of a hungry boar. I'd gobble up almost anything. Try me. :)

(after half an hour)

Okay, I'm full. Now I'm enjoying myself by smoking a cigarette. Aaaah.. Feels good. :) So, I think I'ma stop here. I'll update soon or later on. Till next time....... *dum dum dum ;)

Welcome, December

2008-12-04T01:39:00.002+08:00

I can't believe it's already December. Time goes by so fast. Like a blink of an eye. I've been quite upset lately. I miss my baby, that's for sure. And I lost my favourite jacket :'( It's been with me before my dad passed away and while I was with Ass. So, it means so much to me, and now it's missing. Mum took me shopping to make me feel better. I bought a lot of clothings bla bla bla but nothing can make me feel any better. That jacket is everything in the world to me. Hmm... :'(
So yeah, that jacket and I, we've been through an awful lot of wisdom. It's been through a lot of things with me. Tears, stench, body odour, mucus, blood, sweat etc. Hahaha. I know I sound more likely to be a lunatic for being so sentimental about a piece of clothing. But yeah, that's just how much I value things. That's just me. Everything has it's own value. Not by its price. But by how much it means to you. Like a loved one for example. Someone you've known and been through everything together for a long period of time. Would you care if your loved one disappeared? Won't you be looking for him/her? I mean, shouldn't you? Aren't you supposed to care? Won't you be worried? Won't you feel the difference? Like as if there's a missing piece of puzzle. I mean, usually, it's the loved ones that keeps you going. That's why we have friends, companionships, lovers etc. And to me, that jacket is more like a companionship on terms of objects or unliving things if you want to put it that way. I'm very sentimental about my things, my properties and my belongings. Including all that which is personal to me.

So anyway, obviously, I'm still wide awake. That's just me, you know. I always have trouble sleeping. It's commonly ordinary to me. But others find it a bit weird. Got nothing to say about that. I chatted with an old friend of mine. We haven't seen each other for ages. But from her pictures, I'd say she's getting gorgeous. Like, if she was at a cocktail party, you wouldn't miss her. She's be noticed in every corner of the room. Her beauty is simply eye-catching and breathtaking. So yeah, nevermind about that. Hahah. I can't continue. Cause I'm actually drooling. hahaha. Anyway, we were going out for dinner, and I couldn't take my eyes off her. I've never seen such beauty. I know I sound too deep right now. But that's just how I am as well. Everything that surrounds me just fascinates me. Back to the story. She was telling me about her life so far, and every word she spoke automatically took my every interest. She's very well educated, smart, beautiful. If only she was untouched. I mean, like a sculpture. Okay. I'm being too deep and I highly doubt you understand what I'm saying. I'm just very attracted to the beauty of Art. Some artists think that by using Art as a weapon, they can change the world. Do you believe that? I'm not sure I do. But all I want to do is enjoy everything around me. It's not much. But it's worth it. It's more like an assignment for collecting ideas.

Enough with all that art crap. Let's move on. Don't get me wrong. I do love art. But, I've exaggerated too much. I don't really know what it's for.
So, since it's already december, I've been thinking of my New Year's resolutions. Hmm.... Should I change for the better? Or the good? I just want to be my very best. Even during the Holidays, I still feel pressured. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I just want to be one of those succesfully accomplished women by the time I've grown up into adulthood. If only I could pay much more attention in classes and focus with my studies. It's just so hard. Especially for someone like me. I get fascinated over little things easily. It's a good and a bad thing because firstly, fascination leads to a certain interest. But, instead of concentration, it would be considered as distraction from paying attention. It's not wrong to be fascinated by the beauty of God's creation but, at times it has its limits. That's why I stated that it's both a good and a bad thing.

Ahh, all this talk is wearing me out. I'm not sleepy. I'm just tired and I not to save up my energy for work tomorrow. I hope my baby's alright. Ass slept earlier ago. I think. I don't know. I just hope he's fine. Baby, I love you so much. Te Quiero Con Toda Mi Alma, Mi Amor.

Story Of The Week

2008-11-29T01:40:00.008+08:00

I don't have much to say actually. On Monday, I hung out with my girls. Wednesday, went out with my Baby. Thursday, I went out with Dice to get ourselves a haircut. Today, I hung out with Dave and Raymond at Chill. So, basically, everything occured in Gadong.
Here are some pictures.

Out with me and my girlies :)

Dice was so kusut when he had his haircut. He even managed to pose. :P

This is Dave and Raymond (Y)

DAVEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! :D

Why is it so complicated?

2008-11-26T00:51:00.004+08:00

I don't know how to start actually. It's late, obviously. Somehow, I still can't figure out why these eyes won't shut. I haven't been sleeping well for days. Insomnia? Probably. I hope not. I'm currently chatting with my baby. (L) EEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I love you so much wah yo! Hahaha. Like I said, baby. "Let me lie down on your chest and listen to your heart beating as you hold me in your arms and make me feel safe." :)
Anyway, I went out with my girls days ago which was on Monday. We never thought we'd ever hang out on a Monday. We usually go out on Thursday Nights and Saturday Nights. Sadly, I can't spend time with them on Thursdays' and Saturdays' because I'm working during those days. Bummer, huh? Oh well, what can I do about it? Responsibilities comes first. Mmmmyeah.
I've been feeling really crappy all day today. I don't know why. I was so blank...... completely. It's weird. It's like a mind tease as well. Ahh.. I cried last night. Until I lost my contact lens. Kirakan ganas jua sudah tu ku menangis aah. So yeah. Mum bought me a new pair. The sales assistant said, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to say you have estigmatism. But the toric contact lens you need for the right side of your eye is currently unavailable. I will give you the normal contact lens, but it will not be as clear as wearing eyeglasses." So yeah, I was like.. "Um.. Really? How much has my degree increased?" And she said, "for your right eye, from -2.50 to -4.00 and for your left, from -2.75 to -3.25." And I was like, "Whoa!" Hahah. Yes, mummy. I'll start eating my carrots. I don't like carrots, actually. It has that bizzare taste. Well, for me. I don't know about you guys. I love eating Caesar salad and other green vegetables(including the purple coloured ones), but not carrots.
Right now, I'm listening to Until the end of time by Justin timberlake and Beyonce'. Hmm.. I miss my baby so much. No no.. I will not cry again. I don't want want another pair of contact lens to go missing again.
Anyway, I'm thinking of making a new email. My current email is getting lame. And a lot of people complain that it's too long. Letmebeyoureffingballerina@hotmail.com? Does that seem long to you? Oh well, no need to answer that. Hahah.
Oh well, I'm blank now. Will update more soon. Gidday, Mate! :)

A little something from me to you

2008-11-19T02:22:00.002+08:00

I just want you to know that I love only you, baby. Just you. And it's so true. I am totally in love with you. :')

Busybusybusy

2008-11-19T01:12:00.002+08:00

So far, I've been caught up with work lately. That's one of the very good reason why I haven't been blogging. I've been so busy, I got caugt up with a lot of things. Anyway, I'm not working today. So yeah. I got some free time for blogging. I'm currently working at Chill which is located at The Mall, Gadong. I'm working as a part-time waitress. Hey, it's better working than doing nothing during the holidays. And plus, I need the extra pocket money. I can't keep on depending on my mother's money. Not only that, I want to learn how to earn money by myself. At least I'm commited to it. If not, I'd be a spoiled brat by now. No offense, my intention is not to offend anyone in particular. I'm just saying it on my own behalf.
Currently, I'm missing someone. We just had our 3rd Monthsary yesterday. It was fabulous. I never had an amazing Monthsary before. Oh, baby. I thank you so much for such an amazing day. It means so much to me. I love you so much, Ass :') That was the first romantic outing ever. If only you could've focused a lot on me than football. pfft. Oh well, at least we had fun. Mmm... I'll treasure that moment in me forever, baby. I love you so much. So so very much :')
Right this very minute, I'm kind of thinking. What am I gonna do tomorrow? I have absolutely no plans nor even anything to do at all. Hmm.. I think I should just rest at home since I'll be woring the very next day. I'm only woring four times a week, which is Thursdays' till Sundays'. It's a tough job. Especially on weekends. There's always a crowd. You have no idea. It does seem like a simple and boring job, but hey, I don't mind woring six hours a day. It's worth it :)

Badminton.

2008-11-12T05:16:00.004+08:00

I was looking through Abi's blog. And I found one of my picture during the badminton tournament which was held at PTEB last april. I looked horrible. Didn't know he took a shot of it. So anyway, I took the picture. Sorry, Abi. I forgot to link you. hahah.

Hello, Earthlings.

2008-11-12T01:22:00.005+08:00

As you all heard, well, some of you. hahah. I've recovered from an emotional breakdown. I haven't fully recovered though. Little by little. It's nearly 1:30 am. I can't sleep. I've been feeling so fucked up lately. Hmm.. I kinda miss school and that tall, sexy ninja that used to stalk me around. Mmm... I miss you :/ So yeah, I'm bored and took pictures of myself. Wanna take a look? Here you go.

So yeahh, that's Nani in boredom mode. Hahaha. Recently, I chatted with my best buddy, Dice. He's an awesome friend. He's changed so much. In a good way. We chatted this one night. And, he managed to make me laugh. I was really upset at that time. Luckily he was there to make me feel better. Otherwise, who knows what might happen. I was really stressed out. Anyway, he knew I'd blog about this so he said, "Hello, Earthlings. "

Oh, guess what? I've managed to get a part time job. I can't tell you where. But for those who's faces are always seen in Gadong, you'll figure out where I'm working. And if you do know, just keep it low. Hahah. I'm gonna start working this Thursday. Aaaah. Can't wait for my first day. This is the newest beginning of another new experience. (Y)

I'm kinda missing someone right now. I bet you know who you are. Sayang, I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I was so stupid. I've always been stupid. Mmm, I love you so much! And I'm really really sorry. :/ Nani misses you, ya'know?

A dedication to the bored and jobless.

2008-11-07T18:07:00.007+08:00

I'm so bored like hell. I'm currently cahtting with my baby. It goes a little something like this:

Ass. just sent you a nudge.

You have just sent a nudge.

Ass. says (6:07 PM):
behh
Ass. says (6:07 PM):

:)
Nani says (6:07 PM):
apakan nudge nudge ani?
Ass. says (6:07 PM):
i Love you man.
Ass. says (6:07 PM):
haha
Nani says (6:07 PM):
i love you too wah dude.

hahah. Well, that's my baby. I love my baby to teenyweeny bits.

Anyway, I had an all-boring day today. Been missing my baby. Ahh.. And I miss my baby girls. Nabilah Rosli, Piyawan Takamchai and Nabilah Hazirah Karim. I know I know. I've alredy met them last night. Piya, Zye and I watched The Coffin. It was awesome! It could've been better if nabs was with us as well. But oh well, at least we had fun. It's not Nabs's fault she had to go home early.

My mind is so messed up right now. For I don't know what reason. I mean, exam's over. What more should I be thinking about? Hmm.. Maybe it's because I miss my baby too much.

I did this little discovery. I'm really into all sorts of reptiles. It all started when I disected a lizard when I was 5 years old. I'm not a criminal or a weirdo, okay? I was just amazed when I saw its tail was still moving eventhough it was disconnected to the other remainings of its tail. So, it made me thought. Why not cut its body to half. And I did. I remembered I saw somethinhg white-ish looking in it. I think it was an egg. Oh well. Anyway, I have this huge interest in snakes, lizards, dinosaurs etc. My favourite reptile is the Komodo Dragon. So far, I can't get enough of that thing. I know its deadly and everything. But I'd like to have the opportunity to study that deadly creature someday. The Komodo dragon (Varanus komodoensis) is a species of lizard that inhabits the islands of Komodo, Rincaa, Floress, Gili Motang , and Gili Dasami, in central Indonesia. A member of the monitor lizard family (Varanidae), it is the largest living species of lizard, growing to an average length of 2 to 3 metres (6.6 to 9.8 ft) and weighing around 70 kilograms (150 lb). Their unusual size is attributed to island gigantism, since there are no other carnivorous animals to fill the niche on the islands where they live, and also to the Komodo dragon's low metabolic rate. As a result of their size, these lizards are apex predators, dominating the ecosystems in which they live. Although Komodo dragons eat mostly carrion, they will also hunt and ambush prey including invertebrates, birds, and mammals.

It's quite a rare species. You don't find it very often. The Komodo dragon started with the Varanus genus, which originated in Asia about 40 million years ago and migrated to Australia. Around 15 million years ago, a collision between Australia and Southeast Asia allowed the varanids to move into what is now the Indonesian archipelago. The Komodo dragon is believed to have differentiated from its Australian ancestors 4 million years ago, extending their range to as far east as the island of Timor. The ice age and its dramatic sea level changes brought the islands that the Komodo dragons inhabited into their present locations, isolating them in their present range.

The Komodo dragon does not have a particularly acute sense of hearing, despite its visible earholes, and is only able to hear sounds between 400 and 2000 hertz. It is able to see as far away as 300 metres which is about 980ft. , but because its retinas only contain cones, it is thought to have poor night vision. The Komodo dragon is able to see in color, but has poor visual discrimination of stationary objects. The Komodo dragon uses its tongue to detect taste and smell stimuli, as with many other reptiles, with the vomeronasal sense using a Jacobson's organ, a sense that aids navigation in the dark. With the help of a favorable wind and its habit of swinging its head from side to side as it walks, Komodo dragons may be able to detect carrion from 4–9.5 kilometres (2.5–6 mi) away. The dragon's nostrils are not of great use for smelling, as the animal does not have a diaphragm. It only has a few taste buds in the back of its throat. Its scales, some of which are reinforced with bone, have sensory plaques connected to nerves that facilitate its sense of touch. The scales around the ears, lips, chin, and soles of the feet may have three or more sensory plaques. The Komodo dragon was formerly thought to be deaf when a study reported no agitation in wild Komodo dragons in response to whispers, raised voices, or shouts.

The Komodo dragon prefers hot and dry places, and typically lives in dry open grassland, savanna, and tropical forest at low elevations. As an ectotherm, it is most active in the day, although it exhibits some nocturnal activity. Komodo dragons are largely solitary, coming together only to breed and eat. They are capable of running rapidly in brief sprints up to 20 kilometres per hour (12.4 mph), diving up to 4.5 metres (15 ft), and climbing trees proficiently when young through use of their strong claws. To catch prey that is out of reach, the Komodo dragon may stand on its hind legs and use its tail as a support. As the Komodo dragon matures, its claws are used primarily as weapons, as its great size makes climbing impractical.

For shelter, the Komodo dragon digs holes that can measure from 1–3 metres (3–10 ft) wide with its powerful forelimbs and claws. Because of its large size and habit of sleeping in these burrows, it is able to conserve body heat throughout the night and minimize its basking period the morning after. The Komodo dragon typically hunts in the afternoon, but stays in the shade during the hottest part of the day. These special resting places, usually located on ridges with a cool sea breeze, are marked with droppings and are cleared of vegetation. They also serve as a strategic location from which to ambush deer.

Komodo dragons are carnivores. Although they eat mostly carrion, they will also ambush live prey with a stealthy approach. When suitable prey arrives near a dragon's ambush site, it will suddenly charge at the animal and go for the underside or the throat. It is able to locate its prey using its keen sense of smell, which can locate a dead or dying animal from a range of up to 9.5 kilometers (6 miles). Komodo dragons have also been observed knocking down large pigs and deer with their strong tail.

Komodo dragons eat by tearing large chunks of flesh and swallowing them whole while holding the carcass down with their forelegs. For smaller prey up to the size of a goat, their loosely articulated jaws, flexible skull, and expandable stomach allow it to swallow its prey whole. The vegetable contents of the stomach and intestines are typically avoided. Copious amounts of red saliva that the Komodo dragons produce helps to lubricate the food, but swallowing is still a long process (15–20 minutes to swallow a goat). Komodo dragons may attempt to speed up the process by ramming the carcass against a tree to force it down its throat, sometimes ramming so forcefully that the tree is knocked down. To prevent itself from suffocating while swallowing, it breathes using a small tube under the tongue that connects to the lungs. After eating up to 80 percent of its body weight in one meal, it drags itself to a sunny location to speed digestion, as the food could rot and poison the dragon if left undigested for too long. Because of their slow metabolism, large dragons can survive on as little as 12 meals a year. After digestion, the Komodo dragon regurgitates a mass of horns, hair, and teeth known as the gastric pellet, which is covered in malodorous mucus. After regurgitating the gastric pellet, it rubs its face in the dirt or on bushes to get rid of the mucus, suggesting that it, like humans, does not relish the scent of its own excretions.

The largest animals generally eat first, while the smaller ones follow a hierarchy. The largest male asserts his dominance and the smaller males show their submission by use of body language and rumbling hisses. Dragons of equal size may resort to "wrestling." Losers usually retreat, though have been known to be killed and eaten by victors.

Komodo dragons also possess virulent bacteria in their saliva, of which more than 28 Gram-negative and 29 Gram-positive strains have been isolated. These bacteria cause septicemia in their victim; if an initial bite does not kill the prey animal and it escapes, it will commonly succumb within a week to the resulting infection. The most harmful bacterium in Komodo dragon saliva appears to be a deadly strain of Pasteurella multocida, from studies performed with lab mice. There is no specific antidote to the bite of a Komodo dragon, but it can usually be treated by cleansing the wounded area and giving the patient large doses of antibiotics. If not treated promptly, gangrene can quickly develop around the bite, which may require amputation of the affected area. Because the Komodo dragon appears immune to its own microbes, much research has been done searching for the antibacterial molecule(s) in the hopes of human medicinal use.

Oh well, that's all the facts I can collect about this deadly species.

Here are some pictures if you are not familiar with this reptile:

Girls Day Out.

2008-11-07T02:16:00.002+08:00

I went out with my girls today. Can't say much. I'm too sleepy. Oh well. Here's a picture of my girls. I'm not in it cause I'm the one taking the photo. Very unfortunate of me, huh? Oh well, I love my girls.

Nani 2007, I miss.

2008-11-05T00:10:00.005+08:00

A few pictures of me back then in year 2007.

Last year's photos of me. I miss the old days. :'/

......

2008-11-04T22:41:00.006+08:00

I am a complete significance of all insignificance. The perfection of imperfection. I'm being random actually. I'm hurt. And, all I could do is type down everything that is at the tip of my mind right now. I haven't been myself in a while. I haven't fully recovered after my Father's departure. He's never coming back :'(
My life has been nothing but miserable. Eversince my dad's gone, there's been a lot going on. I feel so pressured. I'm my mom's only hope. What more should I say about my brothers? They're hopeless, unreliable, selfish, irresponsible and spoiled. And because of that, my mom keeps encouraging me to be the very best for the family. I just don't want her to put her hopes on me too much. Don't get me wrong. I am willing to do all that. But I need more time. And that's not the only problem. My Father's siblings are fighting over the inheritance. My mom bought two lands in Tanah Jambu and Sengkurong for our future use. But it's unfair to my mom. She purchased those lands with her own money. She only included my dad's name as a sign of how much she loves him. And what's really unfair, they get 1/6 of the land's share and my mom only gets 1/8. It's unfair. It's my mom's property. Shouldn't they be ashamed of fighting over something that doesn't even belong to them. And they're even starting to nag my mom to sell our car to them. Ughh. I'm trying as hard as I can to be strong and hold on. Each day, I have to face all these predicaments. What better life should I be in?
Honestly, I admit. I fake a smile everyday. I'm a very sensitive person. But people don't know that cause I've always been mean and sarcastic. I have main reasons for being insensitive. So that people won't see me as someone who can get hurt easily. Not only that, I'm doing it to protect my feelings. I know, we all have limits. I'm an odd person. *sighss.
My life isn't all that perfect. I would consider my life perfect when I've fulfilled all my purposes in life. Oh, God. I guess this is the karma I get for being such an ass back then. This is the perfect punishment for me. I'm so close to giving up.
Sayang, if you're reading this, I want you to know that I love you. And in this sort of situation, you'll always be the person I need to talk to, to dry my tears away, to convince me that everything's gonna be alright. I love you, I truly do. :'/

I don't wanna lose you

2008-11-04T00:00:00.001+08:00

Dont Wanna Lose You (Whatever You Want) (Clean) - Black Violin

I dedicate this song to you, baby. You know who you are. I love you :')